Schizophrenia.com

How can I develop charm as a person?


#1

I feel I lack charm How can I develop charm as a person?


#2

Didn’t they used to have charm school back in the old days, where all the rich kids had to go if they wanted to inherit the family name attached to bucketloads of money?

Think it had to do with knowing the rules, making the other person feel special and acquiring a passion for things in common?


#3

Manors the wayone looks. Dressies walkS and talks with words kindly


#4

It might not be you, it could be “them”


#5

I think once you get the anger under control, you’ll feel better and once you feel better you might be more willing to reach out to others.

With reaching out to others with no anger… charm will develop.


#6

Bump to the top…Does anyone else have answers to the question “How does one develop charm?”


#7

That’s a hard question. Why do you want to develop charm? We could probably find an alternative. I’m assuming you mean charisma. There are many types of charm awkward charm, childish wonder charm, assertive personality charm, ect.
I’m not really charismatic, and when I am I find it very, very draining. I can only keep it up for about an hour or two before I switch of and literally go to bed and sleep for eight hours. Here’s what I do, it might only work because of my looks and gender (women can get away with being whimsical more than men can I think).

  1. Smile, like a broad earsplitting grin when you see someone. Imagine you’re acting (this is how I learned to communicate better with people) and your character is very happy to see every one. Not like manic happy, but like that person means something to you whether they do or not.
  2. Say hi to everyone you know. I know this sounds very basic but for many years I would be very friendly and just not want to say hi to them. I resented greeting people in passing. I hated it but it is very necessary. Even if you aren’t sure who that person is, if they wave you (and it’s obvious they are waving to you) wave back. The occasional mistake can be passed off as "You look a lot like _____ (don’t make up a name. Try hard to relate their looks to someone you know or have known so you don’t mess it up later). If you haven’t seen this person in years say "I was wondering what they were doing here! I haven’t seen them sense _______. Works best if they are some sort of relative of yours and not a random person. I’ve been able to connect with some people by accident by just waving at them. Please don’t think I’m racist but I get really caught up in black women’s hairstyles and focus on that so when they change their hair style dramatically (which the black women around here do often) I get really thrown off and don’t recognize them. So I end up waving to people I don’t even know with the same hair style. They seem pretty cool with it though, they usually don’t ask me to explain and when I end up talking to them later, I just insert a compliment like “Well you reminded me of someone and you guys (had they same hairstyle, shoes, whatever) and I thought it looked really nice. I just got confused I guess.” Or they think they must have met you somewhere and just don’t remember you. Don’t wave at everyone you see though. Just at people you know/ are pretty sure you know but aren’t sure.
  3. Talk to everyone. Talk talk talk talk. Try to make it about them. We all love talking about ourselves. This one very charming/charismatic guy I knew did all of the above, smiled at everyone, always said hi, always seemed REALLY happy to see you and eager to hear how you were doing. Everyone at my college liked him. Very charismatic. He was also very weird. He like to wear handkerchiefs around his neck like a cowboy. He also just seemed distinctly odd. Just goes to show you can be odd AND charismatic. (Back to the topic at hand) you see someone sitting down, don’t just walk by them, if you have time to talk. I saw two girls sitting outside my dorm at night as I was going to dinner, one of them was looking at her phone. I stopped and said “Telling scary stories?” they were like “What?” and I said something or other about how because her phone was below her face it was casting light like a flashlight where people tell scary stories when the are camping. Also, the more you do it the better you get. Practice subjects are everywhere! Start with people who look sad. Not crying, if you don’t know someone and they are crying ask if they are ok, and when they say they are, move on. Crying people don’t seem to want strangers around no matter how comforting they are trying to be. Look for like a Subway employee who looks not extremely busy but not particularly happy. Ask how their day was. Compliment kinda indirectly (You guys know how to make really good sandwiches here. Have you guys ever thought of culinary classes?) don’t over do it. That one is on the edge, but if you are exuberant and act like you are having a really good day you want to share, it should be ok. Talk about their work (do you guys have long shifts? {The usual answer is yes} then say "oh wow, I don’t know how you do it! I wish I had that kind of focus!) or something along those lines. People who are working at menial jobs (janitors, people behind counters, {not regular restaurant waiters though. They are far too busy to stay in one place long enough}, for some examples) love to have an opportunity for some positive chat. If you really think about it they probably aren’t at that job because they want to be. If you try to brighten their day, they are usually pretty receptive.
  4. WATCH PATCH ADAMS. Dooooooo iiiiiiittttt. He is the PERFECT example. In the movie (Patch is played by Robin William bonus!) Patch has serious depression and checks himself into a hospital. After finding out that he can use positive energy to help people (his roommate in the hospital has to pee but his fear- squirrels that exist only in his head are guarding the bathroom door. Patch pretends to fight he squirrels and gets his roommate so focused on the squirrel war that he momentarily overcomes his fear and rushes off and relieves himself) he goes and becomes a doctor. He makes people smile and laugh and uses that in his medicine and helps give the patients in his hospital a will to live and be happy even though they are very ill. I found it very inspiring (I have the depression type of sza) and that movie has kinda served as a template for my social behavior. Picking out charismatic characters from books and imitating them also helps (you kinda have to use trial and error for which behaviors to mimic), but you can take almost every one of Patch’s behaviors and it will work well (well it has for me).
  5. This is one of the biggies. Be alone. Let your battery recharge. It will get a little easier over time, but if you over exert you will just be dead in social situations for the rest of the day, or maybe even week. You won’t be able to pull of what you have to. Kinda like weight lifting. You don’t start off at 50lb bicep curls. You start out with 3 or 5lb and work up. Other wise you get hurt.

#8

Kindness and patience is the most charming features of all.