Housemate's anger issues wearing me down

Person I live with yells, curses and slams things when angry, and she’s frequently angry. I don’t know if she’s trying to get me to react to her anger, whether it’s my fault or not, but to me she seems to make especially sure I know she’s angry. Maybe it’s just because she knows it messes with me, or maybe she blames me for something.

I feel dread when I hear her footsteps upstairs. I know it’s a bad living situation, and wish I didn’t have to occupy her space (her house). She has valid reasons to be angry at me being here.

I just want to know how to deal with the anxiety of feeling like I’m guilty of something every time she’s around. I already compensate with chores and chipping in with groceries.

Chores and paying for your groceries should be basic and are expected. Maybe ask her what else you can do to help. Or if they’re are specific chores she needs more help with.

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Good thinking. Maybe there’s a weight I can lift off her shoulders.

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I would also like to ask if you are sure she is angry with you. Because of my trauma history, I have a tendency to interpret actions as passive aggressive shots at me, when they are really just normal behaviors. Have you talked with her about why she might be feeling angry with you?

My solution for when I think someone is being passive aggressive towards me is to entirely ignore it. It takes a lot of conscious effort but I act as thouth I do not perceive the hostility at all. If the person really is angry, this forces them to be more direct with me about their feelings. If they are not angry, they will respond pleasantly to my friendly overtures and I will know I misinterpreted.


Thanks, that’s great advice!

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