Horror of solipism wiped away by anhedonia

From 13 yo to 18 yo. I lived with the horror of the belief in solipism( and other delusions and OCD) . Then my dopamine bottomed out and anhedonia started and I stopped caring about solipism. It didn’t bother me at all anymore. Shows how much neurotransmitter levels control your thoughts and feelings. There is no free will. Our thoughts are outside our control. But before the anhedonia when my dopamine was high and I cared about such things solipism was some spooky stuff. Enough to drive me up a wall.

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I’m both blessed and cursed because of anhedonia. Blessed because it took the delusions away but cursed because it took the pleasure away

Are you sure that’s the reason? I had solipsism and got over it too. I have more pleasure now. I think it took a lot of thinking and time to get over my solipsism. Medication helps too.

I had to look up solipsism and it means “belief in self as only reality.” I guess that is where we start and most people do not grow out of it. It takes major insight to get beyond this outlook. I guess I still see most of my world as being “self-centered.”
Is one alternative to love?

One of the most important things for me has been finding a way to stop my mind from confronting existential issues. I can get non stop thoughts and analysis and end up in a void when I really just want to have a break from being aware of things I will never have answers to. Numbness can be a blessing if it’s a temporary respite. I’m usually on multiple thought planes at once and a lot of it is various levels of chatter. Meaningful pondering happens but everything is so loud it just feels like dull torture. Distraction is the best coping skill for me. Sometimes I channel it into art or build something but I would say I spent the bulk of my time trying to stop the need to analyze.

I don’t believe that you can just grow out of it because it is actually scientifically true. You can only alter your dopamine levels to stop caring. Normal ppl even when discovering solipism, do not comprehend it like a " crazy" person does. There brain doesn’t categorize as something that could actually truly be real like mine did. I could actually feel it. I never had anhedonia when I had these thoughts. I do feel alot better depression wise once i stopped thinking about it. It was like euphoria to have that horrible thought lifted off my mind. But anhedonia is different from feeling good, you can feel good while having anhedonia. That’s actually how ssri antidepressant s work. They numb emotions to take away horrible mental pain. But you’re left with a limited range of emotions.

Solipsism cannot be disproved. That’s why it so difficult to get over it

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Yes I agree which is why I believe something chemically changed in my brain to make me feel differently about it. As soon as solipism stopped bothering me( and other positive symptoms went away) I completely lost my sex drive, got genital anesthesia, stopped getting pleasure from smoking or eating like I used to and my testerone dropped and my prolactin rose

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I wouldn’t have been able to survive feeling like I did about solipism. It would’ve killed me. But now at the other end of the scale I still can’t live my life. My lack of dopiminergic response to life is crippling

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When you say pleasure do you mean happiness or hedonic response? Anhedonia refers not to happiness but to loss of sex drive and other hedonic pleasures like eating, smoking, and doing complex activities. You can be euphoric while still having anhedonia, it’s just numb

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I think I have anhedonia despite my pleasure in smoking and drinking coffee

I don’t think I have anhedonia because I take too much pleasure in my cat, my cookies, my food, my coffee, my computer, my books and magazines, my piano, my friends, etc… etc… I do however have apathy. I have apathy about having a clean apartment, clean dishes, a clean body, clothes, a soft cat (not lumpy fur), a made bed, etc…etc…And I definitely don’t have alogia. I do have social withdrawal and flat affect though, I think.

I’m interested in hearing others specific anhedonia because mine is very specific to dopamine pathway. I can feel happiness and content but stopped feeling pleasure from smoking and sex. I have genital anesthesia. It seems no one else has this type of anhedonia. I also get no pleasure or desire to socialize. Going over friends house makes me feel less lonely buy feels like chore

The inability to smoke or get sexual release or relationships feels like I’m in surreal hell

Do you find it impossible to carry on conversations with ppl? I can never find nothing to say

How do you feel your anhedonia specifically?

I’m lucky I don’t have full blown schizophrenia. Seems like hell when you talk about your problems.

Have you looked into supplements? They might help. You might have negative symptoms. Pregnenolone, l theanine, sarcosine, aniracetam, to name a few, have helped me a ton.

Yes I should be starting cabergoline soon which is a dopamine agonist. It’s even worse when you have low dopamine negative symptoms at an early age like I did at 19. It’s like you miss out on your whole life, just watch it go by from the sidelines because your mind is junk

I did try l theanine. No help but did cause mild hallucinations

What symptoms do you have?