Its like the threads in my brain are coming apart. Sometimes its like someones taking a hammer to glass. Like i just am going insane, literally my brain is shattered. I dont know how to discribe it. I know ive gotten crap about going on and off meds, i get it its difficult to watch, its scaryf or the people in my life that i disclose whats going on to (which is no one right now)
Its like i cant trust anything, from knowing if i exist, to maybe someone is about to assault or kill me, to if im perceiving anything right at all, or ever have. Are the things ive been accused of true? Are the voices telling the truth about my past? Do i know anything at all? Sometimes i lose the ability to speak. I havent been able to type this much in several days.
And yes i called and made an appt with my psychiatrist. I see her friday in the morning so ill be able to pick up my script that day. Me and my boyfriend are working on ways to keep me on meds and ill talk tommy therapist about it tomorrow too. I dont have a lot of faith in them but i guess its better than just assuming i am doomed and giving up.
I just cant handle these intrusive thoughts anymore. Thr constantly thinking thinking thinking. Making faces talking to myself. Sobbing and wantijg to scream. Feeling like face to face interaction is too much. Like anyrhing besides laying around is too much. I mean i do play cello every day at least.
Try using reverse psychology on them or reverse NLP to unlock the trauma bonding preformed by the voices themselves, headphones work so does having a conversation at the same time as your attention is altered by the engagement.
You know things are better when you take your medication. You need to take them consistently to avoid the spirals. It helps, I promise if you follow your doctor.
I understand. Your loved ones can remind you, and you can use a pill container to show when you’ve missed a dose. It’s vital to your health that you use every way possible to remember your meds.
Life isn’t perfect with meds, but it sure is A LOT better! Please find ways to be motivated to tell your pdoc all your symptoms and to always take your meds. Even if with meds you struggle, you still don’t struggle as much as you do without meds. They really do make life better and easier.