I find it difficult to be honest when communicating with others.
I don’t think my true thoughts/feelings are going to be accepted by them.
So most of the time I try to hide them but at times I want to be assertive so I become really brave to tell them my true thoughts/feelings.
Nothing scary doesn’t happen, but I still remain scared.
I once decided that not everyone likes me and it’s ok that there’re only a few who does like me.
But I still can’t be assertive and am filled with fears.
I don’t know where these fears are coming from, maybe from childhood experiences that I don’t even remember.
I want to be assertive/honest when communicating with ppl but I fear that, and I’ve been in such conflict for so many years that I often try to give up relationships altogether which in itself creats a great deal of stress.
Also there’s a further problem that I sometimes don’t even know what I really think or how I really feel. So I don’t even know what to communicate.
I also tend to feel guilty about putting myself first…
Does any of you have the same problem?
How do you cope with this?
It is probably a social phobia of your mind being read so you learned to not communicate verbally and it makes it awkward and nervous. It’s best if you just accept that particular delusion, or arrive at it some day.
i am ’ over ’ honest with people, it gets me in trouble.
i do not lie.
as for assertiveness it is okay not to have to ’ win ’ an argument/conversation.
but don’t let yourself be walked over.
it is good to be humble, it is okay not to be an ’ A ’ type personality.
I was raised by a verbal abusing bully and OCD lady. There was no saying no and there was no respect but we were not beaten or worse. I had to be the fat kid at school dressed funny too so you can image what fun that was too…church was even mouthy for the kid with parents who wouldn’t tithe…
The passive personality is a little mal-adaptive but still useful, even necessary. I even had a classmate in college suggest assertiveness training to me in 1990s but I did not do it until about 2009 after being used, abused, almost ruined, walked on, welfared, wiped out…Examples: I had an employer try to save 10 cents a day by having me do something that was illegal and I could go to jail over it and never work again but I said yes just to keep my job kind of 20-something…But also met family of abusers running scam to entertain the family predators and they stuck to me like glue through the shrink, cops, courts, attorneys, moves, new jobs, YEARS of problems…
I NEED the assertiveness sometimes in almost everything except the mental care. I’ve worked with several VERY damaging mental care situations & it is almost totally impossible to use assertiveness in my city without getting a forced psych care warrant & ‘attitude adjustment weekend’ in the mental hospital at your own expense. All you can really do is change the psych care team…
BUT, in every other situation I REFUSE to deal with the screwed up drama queens who demand assertiveness out of people who willingly spend time in their company. I dumped a few problem friends and obligations due to this. My family situation demands GRACE as I ignore their messed up behavior & offensive personalities and treat these like an appointment. The strangers acting up in front of the other schizo victims are best ignored in my opinion too (this is gang stalking or cause stalking if you want to google this). These are part-time psychotics who follow orders from the voices…these are ALMOST ALWAYS unfit to have anything to do with as they are mentally unstable, batterers or abusers with something. If you respond to the messed up, sometimes you cannot shake the really messed up ones . If you exercise grace (silent treatment), you may be able to get out of there without any lasting problems from a stalker or worse – this rule is essential for a female. Hot women are tortured by the nutty ones so most of them marry/shack up with first available nice guy after understanding the schizo thing and these women are okay while the single women are tortured, pestered and worse (even repeatedly ruined at work) for long time.
I’ve been ruined at more than one employer by crazy coworker or the serial sexual harasser bully at work & I’m nothing anyone would want, REALLY! I’ve been tortured to fatter and uglier, then got old. I’ve ran into some really messed up college professors too which is devastating for a student loan recipient…if you give up on the class, you have to pay back the loan immediately. There is NO WAY to be adequately assertive in this situation really, avoidance is only way to survive. An employer is either okay or hostile work environment due to mental care or disability check stigma. Not dating coworkers goes a long way to protecting you from some of the sexual harassment & will make complaints levied more credible… I’m trying self employment now which lets me try out numerous employers as I work contracts …
This is what is called “social anxiety” - and its a common problem. It can be greatly reduced or eliminated through therapy (the most common form is what is called cognitive behavioral therapy, or also via medications.