I’ve noticed with certain people that they hold on to pain, wallow in it and claim self righteousness through their own suffering.
They grasp at it, and get furiously defensive whenever it’s brought up. They make excuses to keep wallowing. And while admitting they want help, never make a step towards getting it. Even when you’ve offered multiple times to help.
Why is that? What causes that?
And what can we do to help another who has a hard time of letting go?
I think validating someone’s pain goes a long way in helping. Also, not pressuring them to change in any way but letting them feel how they feel. Being there with him/her in their pain is really big.
Maybe solving the pain will force them to confront one or more life issues that they are currently successfully avoiding, and the pain is preferable? Some responsibility or a trauma perhaps.