He's getting bigger and I don't like it

I’ve had voices in my head for years, for more than half my life now. Years ago it was just noise, rarely directed at me or involving me, except by coincidence. Listening in on conversations being held far away, the speakers unaware that I could even hear them, and uncaring if I did.

In May 2015 during hospitalization suggested by my therapist, one of the voices distinguished itself, gave me its name. “I think the voice has chosen a name? Ig. As in Iggy, as in iguana. Ig likes loud music and loud voices and laughing at me when I look stupid or scared.”

Several months ago I questioned whether I should try to directly interact with him. I’ve always had the feeling that doing so will make things worse somehow, just like talking about it, but those barriers are crumbling. I asked my therapist what it meant for him to feel like a separate entity, a personality, rather than a mere voice. She didn’t understand.

I decided I would try to contact him, again attempting to catalogue and organize all the sources of voices. He refused to participate but I was able to ‘name’ some of the other sources of voices. The experience was frightening because it confirmed to me that his existence isn’t reliant on MY interpretation, and I haven’t repeated it since. I am trying to participate in “normal human existence” and I feel like this sort of inspection is not something the “average normal human” should be doing or can relate to.

Since then there have been several times I’ve felt him, aware and attentive, while something was happening to me. Ordinary things, like grocery shopping, washing dishes, or taking the bus, or once while watching a movie. It’s disconcerting and upsetting because it suddenly feels like someone else is using me as a vessel, a viewport. I can’t force him to stop, but once I notice it’s him, he lingers for a moment and then fades back.

He’s been quiet over the past few weeks, maybe months. For a while I thought he was gone and I missed him. When I try to approach him or ask him why he’s so mellow he laughs at me, like I already know the answer. Something “good” is happening for him and he won’t let me stop it.

Last night I slept for abt 12hrs, from 3am to 4:30pm. In my dreams he told me he’s growing stronger, getting “bigger”. When I woke he was singing to me and he said “finally” as if he’d been waiting for me to wake up, as if he’d been awake for hours without me.

I’m taking my meds. I’m doing everythign I’m supposed to be doing. I’m not doing anything wrong.

I don’t know if anyone else can relate to this. I’m scared. I’m worried that if it continues he will eventually be able to directly control me, physically, rather than just influencing my feelings or my thoughts.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who has ever felt like this, and tell me how to make it stop.

My experience is different but I understand the fear/paranoia. I have human beings (scientists) that can see through my eyes and hear what I hear. They talk to my brain and insert thoughts in my head. They can also completely control my thoughts, feelings and behavior. I can only hope and prey they won’t hurt me. I have actually appealed to them many times to please not hurt me. I take my meds and go to therapy too. They haven’t physically hurt me in over a year (made me hurt myself) but they have traumatized me so badly that I am forever fearful. They do scare me and cause me paranoia with horrible thoughts.
I wish I had some great advice. Maybe adjust your meds. Ask your pdoc what he/she thinks. My delusion would be tolerable if it weren’t for the horrible paranoia. I wish you luck.

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I know this whole experience is so confusing. Im new to this; I’ve only been hearing voices for about three months now. And it genuinely feels like im being possessed. They sometimes move my head, shoulders, eyes, eyelids, mouth, tongue, arms, stomach, back, sides and diaphragm. And they wont listen to reason. They make demands that i cant possibly do, like only think in certain parts of my brain.

Before now i never believed in possession and i sure hope that im wrong and that i have a mental problem. Not to say that a mental problem isnt a big deal; right now im just more comfortable with that thought than the thought of possession. But the question that lingers for me is: How do i know if i have a mental problem or if im possessed? I never even believed in possession until this point. And i fear that any mental health professional will just believe i have a mental disorder. Which may be true, but what if its not? How would i ever get help with whats going on? Or maybe i am just completely delusional and dont realize it. This is super confusing for me.

And the most unsettling thing is ive found posts on here where other people have almost the exact same situation. They hear aliens that claim to be putting on a play or playing a game. So im left wondering if this is real or nothing more than a common delusion.

@bravery, studies have shown that people from a similar cultural background tend to have similar hallucinations and delusions. People in western cultures tend to fear aliens, or being spied on by the government. People from religious backgrounds experience demonic possession, or visits from angels. People in Asian cultures are more likely to be guided by spirits or dead ancestors. Our experiences shape our illness. The reason you have found many people experiencing the same delusion as you is because those people are from a similar cultural background as you. Don’t be afraid of that.

@BonBonSquad I think a change of medication might be the best thing to help you. Try to remember that, even though it doesn’t feel like it, Ig is a product of your own mind. He can’t hurt you, he can only scare you.

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I recommend not talking to negative voices that scare you. When I talk with Plague or ones like that it’s a disaster and you can get sucked into a wormhole in your brain, which sounds like what has been happening to you. Also if you’ve been having any stress in your life, that can flare up your symptoms even if you’re on meds, though preferably the med you’re on should prevent that, so maybe check if you’re on the right dose and all that.

Thanks ninjastar. What you said completely makes sense.

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Bon bon squad,
Just wanted to see how you’ve been doing and find out if, “IG” had lessened or if he’s still coming out strong. Peace.