Schizophrenia.com

Here's a joke


#1

So a women with an armful of packages
is trying to board a bus. But her dress is too tight and she can’t make it up the first step. There’s a growing line behind her so she discreetly reaches her hand around to loosen the zipper in back a bit so she can step up. But she still can’t get up. So she reaches around again to loosen it but she still can’t move her legs. She reaches around one last time. Just then the guy behind her grabs her around the waist and gently lifts her on to the bus. She turns around indignantly and says, " How dare you! You’re a stranger"! He replies, " Well after you unzipped my zipper for the third time, I thought we were getting to know each other pretty well".


#2

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.”

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, “We don’t serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings.”

The bear, very angry now, says, “If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.”

The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings.”

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman.

He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs.”

The bear says, “I’m NOT on drugs.”

The bartender says,
“You are now. That was a barbitchyouate!”