Help! I have been stupid!

I have been superstupid. Again.

I had a relapse some time ago and am in a ward at the moment. I’m doing fine, am away from the ward all day each day, but do sleep there. I expected to be released already, but they want to keep me there to make a new treatment plan, maybe for 2 months or so.

Now, I met a nice, kind guy online. He asked me on a date and I said yes.

He does know I’m having an “invisible handicap”, as I called it. I didn’t tell him of psychoses and wards, I told him now I’m stable on psych meds, but because of a traumatic period in my life I have major unrealistic fears when I quit meds, which I did multiple times last years. And I’m not good to be around at such a time. He says he is okay with it, but I don’t feel he grasps the extent of my illness.

This guy is christian and oriented towards starting a serious relationship. He is really honest himself and he says honesty and openness is extremely important to him, because he was betrayed by his ex badly. I don’t want to make that worse.

I don’t know… now what?! I can’t really date while I’m on a ward? I think I should be stable for a while first. And I don’t want to lie about that! Especially to this guy! But telling that I’m on a ward before even meeting someone is terrifying and unnatural… if this doesn’t send someone running, what else would?

I feel superstupid… men are attracted to me somehow, so I’m often dealing with this type of situations, but I’m really bad a dealing adequately with them…situations with men terrify and confuse me. I’m bad at anticipating things, so things like this sort of drop onto my head when I’m already in them.

I’m thinking of cancelling the date, telling him I like him a lot so far, but timing is bad. Tell that I had a relapse of “fear” not too long ago. That I’m still in the process of rebuilding my life after that. That if he is still free and interested in a month or two I’d be more than interested in dating with him.

Is that honest enough? How would you people deal with this?

If I were in your shoes, I would cancel. Now is an important time to focus on your health and recovery rather than getting caught up in some guy you met online.

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Thanks. I’m thinking the same. What reason would you give?

Timing sounds good. However it is your decision and you really don’t need to give any explanation so long as you tell him you don’t want to meet up anymore.

You found a good guy, might be worth meeting and take it very slow, Over the years I made up so many excuses on why I should not date someone, 30 years went by that I can never recover them back. Maybe it will be a short romance, maybe a lifetime, the only thing to think of is, maybe it will bring you some happiness and nothing will be lost in a few short dates.

Thanks for your advice. He is (finally) a good guy. And would you tell about the ward? Or not at all?

Invite him to dinner on the ward if you can. If he wants honesty, there’s no better place to start than today. You’ll find out real fast if he will consider you “For the long haul” or not.

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Not everything has to be revealed on a first date or two, see how it goes and if you think you should tell him, then do so. Nothing ventured nothing gained, If he does not see you again all that will happen is your in the same place you are now. I let the good ones go cause I had a excuse not to date. That was stupid on my part.

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Tell him that you are on ward to measure the depth of his heart and the potency of his soul to accept you and your condition, think about future not present.

Thanks for all your advices! I decided to not cancel the date for now, but see how it goes and how I feel about it. This seems to be a very kind man. I also decided to be completely honest and tell him about the ward. I’m trying to write an e-mail now. I don’t want to tell him by phone or live, because I know I will be a coward and stay quiet. I might still cancel the date if I feel it’s too much pressure and stress for me to handle, but I want to try. I won’t use the psychosis-word, but I’ll describe it as I did before: major unrealistic fears… which is imho a decent enough description of what I have. Please wish me luck.


I like @Csummers idea of inviting him to the ward. The bold and the restless !

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Go with your heart, he could be your soul mate, or he could be a placebo.

Good luck ! :sunny:

I might even do that! But I won’t have our first date there… that would be too scary! I’m not even eating there myself, I’m at home all day, I only sleep there still.

I would go ahead with the date. Dont need to tell him your in hospital…just dont tell him. Its not lying. its just a tactic of letting him know the whole truth in increments that he can take. Why does he need to know this on the first date. Have fun together and show your best qualities first. See if he is really worth the hassle when you see him in person. Is he really so nice as you think from online. Dont sell youself below your value. You have something to offer…you are valuable. You should be in control of showing him your value and strengths before he gets to know any faults you have. What are his faults, if you are going to let your pants down, he better do the same and not act like he is perfect. Cause nobody is perfect, right? If you have guts and you decide to tell him up front, its very likely he chickens out and never see the good in you. I met my wife like i told you. I did not tell her right away. Only when it eally got serious.

Best of luck, hope he’s really nice and you have a fun time together

let me add that my final advice is to take a good look at him on the first couple of dates, if he is really worth it for you to strip down and tell him everything about you…first let him fall in love with the wonderful you, so that he has butterflies when he sees you and cant take his hands of you…THEN, tell him, wait a second, were getting serious…you will have to know this about me, I am diagnosed with Schizophrenia and I am on meds for it,he is going to say to you, who cares, you are really nice girl and I am in love with you…if he what I dont expect at this point will break it off, then so be it, you have told him the truth and he could not take it. I have seriously done the same when I met my wife. We saw each other for a few dates and it was getting physical and serious, so I told her very matter of fact, what she did not yet know about me and should know. It was like I said, at this point she already found the good in me to outweigh any bad. We are togetehr since 15 years now and she has been with me through thick and thin, some hospital stays even I have found the right one in her who understands me and accepts me like I am. There is no secrets about my illness at all. But yes, I did sell myself in a good way when we were getting to know each other.