Hello everyone. I’m new here. I’m 18, high school senior. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD and Asperger’s Syndrome, but I keep posting on an OCD forum and they keep telling me that it’s not OCD related, that it’s not real, and that I’m psychotic. Same goes for the OCD chatroom that I frequent. No one really likes talking to me on there save a couple of kind friends, and even they agree that I’m delusional. So I’m just gonna post here.
I suppose I should explain. Last year, after a three month long worsening of my OCD symptoms, I started having these thoughts that weren’t mine; other beings were thinking things to me. They were louder than my thoughts and even my intrusive thoughts from OCD, but they weren’t audible. They sounded like they were coming from the inside of my ear(s) instead of the outside. These beings were telling me to wake up, that there’s a battle between good and evil and that I have a mission to help save humanity. Since then, they’ve been bothering me, telling me things like people hate me or want me dead, want to kill me, etc. I talked to my psychiatrist who gave me 5mg of Zyprexa. For a few days they all kinda collected into this being called Jasper, but now they say they made Jasper up to confuse me (Jasper contradicted himself a lot, said ominous sentences, and basically twisted my head in knots). Of course Jasper said he created the other beings, so now I’m really confused.
All of this has led me to attempt to come up with theories to explain our shared reality. It’s not part of the mission, but I feel like I need to know what’s going on. The thing is, the beings aren’t much help with this because they just agree with whatever my current theory is. The beings can lie, and I bet they do it often, but they can also use things from my subconscious mind and soul to bother me; they don’t even have to lie. They say random things sometimes too. Well actually a lot.
But yeah my therapist thinks I should consider the possibility that the battle is a delusion. I don’t think it is but I was hoping that maybe you guys could help.
Thanks for the welcomes. I don’t want a diagnosis, don’t worry. It’s just that everyone thinks I’m psychotic so I thought I’d post here. I don’t think I’m psychotic because I feel doubt about everything. I know the battle is real because I asked for signs and I got them, but part of me hopes I’m psychotic because I don’t want any of this to be real; I just want to live normally. I know that’s selfish; some of the beings won’t let me forget that. But yeah, I’m really very confused and frustrated. Thanks again for your replies.
Hello and welcome! Sounds like you’re going through some frustrating things, and hearing voices. Not everyone hears voices with their ears. Some people hear them as loud thoughts inside their own heads. You can see at the poll on this thread that a large number of the folks here experience inside voices.
I’m not sure what battle you’re referring to, but asking for signs and getting them doesn’t mean it’s real.
It’s easy to imagine the signs and see proof where there is none. The brain does amazing things.
Btw, I have OCD along with a psychotic disorder. It’s not so bad. It can be tricky to treat, though, because the antidepressants used to treat OCD can make psychosis worse in some patients. Talk with your doctor about all your symptoms, and you should find a treatment regimen hat works for you.
Thanks for the welcome. I didn’t know that other people had loud thoughts. That explains why my therapist and psychiatrist keep calling them hallucinations even though I keep saying they speak through thought.
I was referring to the battle between good and evil that the beings were telling me about. But yeah, I just feel like there have been so many signs that it’s no longer a coincidence but a pattern, ya know?
It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one with OCD. People think I’m confused when I say the beings sound different than OCD’s intrusive thoughts, but OCD affects my thinking, it doesn’t sound loud. Though recently my own thoughts have begun sounding loud sometimes too. I don’t know what the beings are doing to me.
Hey, thanks zeno. I feel very alone. The beings like to tell me that I’m alone. They say I’m different, that my soul isn’t entirely human and that people can sense that, leading to their hatred and/or desire to see my life end. I just feel afraid and frustrated all the time.
I understand. Most people don’t believe because at the end of the day, they can’t hear the beings. Plus I know that even if I’m 90% sure that the battle is real (like I am now), there’s still a 10% chance that it’s not. I guess I don’t know that the battle is real, I’m just more sure that it is than I am that it isn’t. It’s like, that 90% of me knows it’s real, but 10% hopes it’s not.
Hi and welcome! Sounds like you may definitely be experiencing psychosis. It’s important to always pay attention to the thoughts you think and the things you hear so you can always evaluate them for reality. But you’ve taken the first steps towards getting treatment, so that’s great!
I heard also voices but now I’m stable on my med(Invega) Does your psychiatrist knows that you hear things? Why he/she prescribes you only 5mg Zyprexa? I think it’s a low dose anyway… (for hearing things)
Thanks @ZombiePupper! The only reason I got help is that I freaked out at school and told my teacher I was afraid because I was hearing things and that the beings wanted to escape my mind. She then told my mom and things went downhill from there. Now I’m kinda stuck in a state of not knowing who to trust and who to believe. It’s frustrating…
I understand. <3 It’s scary. I was on my own when I first was unsure about reality, so it’s great you immediately went to people for support! You’ll have problems trusting people for a bit. You might resent them at first when adjusting to medication and other things, but it’s important to know they care and want to help you.
Hi. I’m old here, lol! I’ve been here awhile. But seriously, welcome and I hope you get what you need from this forum.
I’m always wary about telling people that they are having delusions. I don’t want to hurt their feelings or accidentally screw with their mind. But despite that, if someone makes the first move and asks me first if they are having delusions I will give my opinion.
What you’re describing sounds like delusions, it sounds like a fantasy novel. Once someone was telling me about demons or the CIA tracking them or something like that. My simple answer was: “Did you think this way before you got sick?” There’s your answer. We have delusions because we are not well.
I don’t know if you had your psychiatric problems since you were a kid or if they didn’t show up until recently. If you grew up without symptoms than compare that to your life now. When you were 10 or 11 were you talking to your friends about comic books, football or homework or did you sit down every day and talk about voices? There’s your answer again. We have weird thoughts because we have a sickness, all is not right in our brains.
I here people claim that schizophrenia or any kind of psychosis is someone magical and enlightening and we are somehow gifted because the universe is showing us stuff that “normal” people can’t pick up. My answer to that is what does schizophrenia teach you that is useful in the real world? Nothing for me. The real world where I go to work three times a week and fight traffic and take my car to the mechanic for an oil change every three thousand miles (even though that’s a rip-off because by now its common knowledge that you don’t need an oil change that often, lol). But my delusions don’t help me pay rent or clean the kitchen.
You’re having delusions, you’re having auditory hallucinations, common in schizophrenia. The voices are a symptom of a mental illness. You need help distinguishing between hallucinations and reality. I’m not trying to bug you I’m just pointing out what most doctors or otherwise “normal” people would tell you if you told them about Jasper and the other beings.
But it’s safe to say it on these forums. We can relate. All I can say is keep taking your meds, talk to your doctor and be careful. Delusions are hard to shake, even if the person knows they’re delusions. Good luck and welcome again.