Hello everyone. It’s been awhile since I’ve been on the forums. I’d just like to take the time to update on my life as of late. I’d also like to apologize to @gratitude and @Montezuma . I’m terribly sorry for my behavior from before. Sure enough, I was unmedicated and having some struggles finding housing which I still sort of am having trouble with. For all the people who remember me as ilovethaifood, I’d like to give thanks for our online support.
The truth is, I spent a year in jail due to an altercation and a misunderstanding. Long story short, I was deemed incompetent to stand trial due to being unmedicated. I had to go through a behavior competency program while incarcerated and the wait list was 5 months. That was on top of 6 months which I spent unmedicated before being deemed incompetent to stand trial. The program was designed to prove competency and so I passed the competency test within a month and was released today.
While incarcerated, I came to the realization that I truly do esteem and value many of you as friends and a positive influence in my life as well as support. There are things I haven’t shared with anyone else in person. In short, I missed you guys and gals. That goes for you too @Ninjastar and everyone. We may have our differences but the amount of understanding and compassion found here is vital to people who suffer from schizophrenia or other mental illness(es). I honestly spent some time thinking about the positive influences from friends like Monte and Oola. I don’t know what to say, I felt like I was a ■■■■ up. (Pardon the language.) But thinking about ways to apologize and catch up with some of you helped me through a few dreadful days. Life is strange, I’ve taken it as a learning experience and still have some upcoming court dates. Sorry for the way I was acting before, without a doubt I was also being cooped up due to the COVID-19 restrictions and epidemic during the early days before my incarceration.
I felt compelled to share with those of you who remember me even if these are somewhat personal matters, it doesn’t really excuse my rude behavior, but I’d like you all to know that I do feel that you are good friends. @Montezuma I prayed (apologies for the religious comment, I won’t talk about unusual beliefs. that you’re life as well as others would be faring better than mine. I hope my fellow posters can find it in their hearts to forgive me. @Chew or @Gratitude, if you’re still around, I’m terribly sorry man. You’re a good person and we all have our own shortcomings, I guess mine reared it’s ugly head.
All in all, best wishes to everyone as well as any new users who suffer from mental illness(es), as Monte used to say,
“You’re friend in the struggle,”
(the artist formerly known as ilovethaifood ) schizophrenisaurus.
Hey dude. I’m going to go ahead and tag @Jonnybegood and @anon78876561 for you since I saw you tried to tag them earlier.
I am really glad you checked in. I’ve been worried about you. I’m not going to lie and say your behavior didn’t hurt me, but i knew you weren’t in your right mind, and I am glad you are starting to come out of the fog. If you need help with housing and such, i can try to find some resources for you.
Thank you for your reasonable understanding. I felt terrible spending time thinking about how I mistreated people who were supportive of me before. I don’t know how to explain it, I felt like I was becoming a douchebag and wasn’t the person I wanted to be anymore. I may take you up on that offer for help. My dad and I have an application for an apartment coming up on the 3rd of August. Fingers crossed things go well, if not then I’ll have to make good use of whatever resources can be found.
Really ninjastar, you’re a good person, when we had our good days we had insightful conversations and I really like your sense of humour. I don’t know what happened, it felt like the world was collapsing on me. As of now I’ve found a medication that doesn’t bog me down too much. It’s the standard fare Olanzapine or Zyprexa, it doesn’t necessarily get rid of all the voices, but I feel more stable and the occasional voices I do hear are positive, which is a strange change. You’re a swell person to befriend. I’ve learned a lot about respecting people in regards to LGBTQ communities. Not to bring it up or single it out, but you’ve shown me living prove that at the end of the day, people are people and mistreating people makes a person a jerk. I guess that’s what I was being.
I think it was a bit of a wake up call. A rough life experience, but basically it was a slap in the face reminding me, “Medications are there for a reason.”
It was very scary to watch. You were rapidly becomming an entirely different person and it felt like nothing we could say could bring our friend back. It’s really good to see you able to speak clearly again.
Gracias. Montezuma seriously man, there were times when I seriously contemplated suicide in my life and having you around drastically reduced those thoughts. Just knowing you’re friendship and support man. You’re a font of compassion. I think you’re one of the most supportive forum users to new users and regulars alike. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well. I don’t know if it’s against the forum rules to speak of a higher power, it helps people through addiction (I wanted to say Holy Spirit but eh, I don’t want to break the rules hahah so I’ll slow down on mentioning such things) and so I appreciate your support man. I know it’s a bit strange catching up but seriously I came to the realization that people such as the posters above are a positive thing to have in life. People have squabbles and differences, but in the end, no one in the world really knows what it feels like to have to experience delusions, auditory hallucinations and the like, it’s nice to know you’re not alone. Thank you Monte and I’ll sneak this one in there… Likewise, amen.
@Ninjastar I definitely had a mental breakdown of some sort. I didn’t speak for 3 months while I was in jail. I felt I was losing my grip on reality. Literally, I did not speak. It took awhile until I began talking again, first I began whistling and singing. It’s strange I know, I feel I’m in a better place now and am grateful for your friendship. That goes to the both of you. Would that be plural? Friendships? Hah that way sounds like we’re on a voyage somehow huh?
that you’re life as well as others would be faring better than mine. I hope my fellow posters can find it in their hearts to forgive me. @Chew or @Gratitude, if you’re still around, I’m terribly sorry man. You’re a good person and we all have our own shortcomings, I guess mine reared it’s ugly head.
) schizophrenisaurus.
