Having trouble figuring out my character defects

Health and Recovery
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At AA apparently everyone has “character defects”. I was at a step meeting tonight and we read step 6. It was “Ask God to humbly remove our character defects”. I didn’t share because I have trouble figuring out my character defects. One of the examples in the chapter was “Thinking you’re better than everyone”…Well I could recall one night in the woods I was smoking weed and I heard an owl. When I heard that owls pain, I realized I was not better than anybody. I felt I was equal to the owl because we all are conscious, aware, struggle to survive, have the ability to suffer. Then I stared at the skies and realized I was a tiny little spec in the entire universe. The weed really opened my mind to how insignificant I was. But apparently alcoholics all think they’re better than everyone else according to this chapter. I “humbly” think I am equal to humans, animals, aliens, etc…

The other one the chapter talked about is anger…I’m just not an angry person. That’s not in my vocabulary.

Really I don’t think I drank because of character defects, I drank because I was self-medicating my mental illnesses. If that’s a “character defect” then there’s something wrong with AA.

I have trouble figuring out my “character defects”. I’ve been fighting my ego for 7 years now…certainly alcohol didn’t make me have a bigger ego, it was the other way around.

I’m no perfect human being, I’m very flawed. But I don’t understand this character defect thing and how it applies to me.

I looked up lists of character defects and I don’t think any of them apply to me. There’s always work to do, but they’re not “defects”. That’s the wrong word.

anger, hatred
anxiety – Not as a clinical diagnosis, but as a general way of viewing things with an eye toward what is wrong, what might be wrong, what has been wrong or what is going to be wrong. Excessive worry, especially about things I cannot change.
arrogance – Offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.
closed mindedness – Contempt prior to investigation. Disregarding things and ideas just because they are new and unknown. Being unwilling to try things or follow suggestions. Failing to remain teachable. Having a mind firmly unreceptive to new ideas or arguments.
dependency, over dependency, co dependency – Relying on others to provide for us what we ought to provide for ourselves. Feeling we must be in a relationship, or must hold on to others who want to move on. Letting others control us to an extreme due to our fear of being alone, abandoned, or independent.
depression, pessimism – Not as a clinical condition, but as a way to generally see the dark side of things.
dishonesty – Sins of omission and commission. Telling lies, hiding things, telling half truths or pretending something is so that isn’t. Withholding important information. Adding untrue details to stories and situations. Stealing, cheating, taking things that aren’t ours and that we aren’t entitled to.
controlling attitude toward people, places and things – Trying to control others by manipulation, bribery, punishment, withholding things or tricking them into acting as we wish, even when we believe it is in their best interest to do so. Failing to be equal partners with others and to consider their knowledge and opinions.
fear
gluttony, greed – Wanting and taking too much: food, sex, time, money, comfort, leisure, material possessions, attention, security. Acquiring things (material things, relationships, attention) at the expense of others.
gossiping – Speaking or writing about others in a negative manner, especially to get them in trouble or to feel superior to them and bond with someone else against the target of the gossip. When I find myself talking about someone, I must pause and check out why I am mentioning their name.
humility, a lack of humility – Feeling better than and worse than others, and being self centered.
impatience – Being frustrated by waiting, wanting often to be some time in the future, wanting something to change or improve rather than accepting it as it is.
intolerance – Not accepting people or things for who or what they are.
inventory taking, being judgmental – Noticing and listing, out loud or to ourselves, the faults of others.
jealousy and envy – Wanting what others have, feeling we don’t have enough or deserve more, wishing we had what others do instead of them. This applies to material possessions like houses, cars, money and such. It also applies to nonmaterial things like relationships, a nice family, children, parents, friends and partners, and fulfilling work relationships. We can envy others their looks and physical appearance, their talents and physical abilities or attributes such as thinness, tallness, sports ability or musical talent.
laziness, procrastination, sloth – Not doing as much as is reasonable for us to do. Putting things off repeatedly. Not carrying our own load as much as we are able. Letting others provide things for us that we ought to get for ourselves.
perfectionism – Expecting or demanding too much from ourselves or others. Treating things that aren’t perfect as not good enough. Not recognizing a good try or progress.
prejudice – Pre-judging people based on a group they belong to. Negative feelings about someone based on their religion, race, nationality, age, disability, sexual orientation, accent, politics, economic status, physical characteristics like height, weight, hair style, clothing style, physical fitness.
rationalization, minimizing and justifying, self-justification – Saying and/or believing I had good motives for bad behavior. Saying that I did bad things for good reasons, or that what I did really wasn’t that bad.
resentment – The feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult.
rigidity and fear of change
self centeredness, selfishness – Spending excessive time thinking about myself. Considering myself first in situations. Not having enough regard for others or thinking about how circumstances hurt or help others. Thinking about what I can get out of situations and people, what’s in it for me? Spending too much time considering my appearance, acquiring things for myself, pampering myself, indulging myself.
self pity

A lot of these have applied to me in the past, but I think I was using drugs to get rid of the character defects, not to mask them. Then again I was using drugs that aren’t meant to hide from the truth, they bring your problems to the surface. That was the point.

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That’s a really tough question to answer. Give it time and think on it and you might identify with something. I don’t know what though. Maybe talk to your sponsor about it.

What happens if you can’t think of a character defect at step 6? Can you still move on to step 7?

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Humans are inherently flawed. Everybody has defects, except Jessica Alba. She is perfect. And HOT…

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@turningthepage
I feel the same way - you can’t count symptoms of sz as defects just as you wouldn’t count any other disability as a defect.
All in all I know I am not perfect, but I try my best to do right by others with the exceptions that are out of my control when things go wrong with my sz.

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I think you’re making this too complicated. Character defects are defects in your character. They are negative things like self-pity, dishonesty, greed, pettiness. They are negative things in your personality. My sponsor helped me with this. Maybe you should get a sponsor and work the steps.

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Some of these aspects you list can come with schizophrenia, although as you say, they would be considered symptoms rather than character defects. Some negative symptoms can look or even feel to me as laziness. I have had some paranoid ideation that bordered on jealousy. I read in an article something that relates to perfectionism ( it was about choosing the harder out of two options).

I find this an interesting topic, and it is certainly not that clear to me, where character ends and these aspects of schizophrenia begin. I think there could be a risk of losing some room for improvement of ourselves when thinking of all that looks like these aspects as symptoms straight away, rather than character traits. I think there are sometimes blurry lines between the two, and at other times, it may be very clear what is symptom and what is character. Assuming anything that looks like, e.g., laziness to be negative symptoms straight away seems like mistake to me. I can see how not doing so may look like blaming patients for something we can’t do much about. But I find looking at some of these matters, when they are only moderately present, as character defects to be empowering in a way. For it suggests that I do something about it. To view these as symptoms, that comes to me with some sort of defeatist perspective of things just being that way beyond my control etc. In the more extreme cases that may very well be true. But sometimes we can take action and do something about these, and I find that looking at these issues as part of a malleable character opens up that perspective that allows me to work on myself.

Also, if you deny the very possibility of, in this example, being lazy to a sz patient, that may seem like a kind move in some way, but you’re basically denying a bit of personhood to a person. That seems wrong to me.

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Well, nobody is perfect, I’m sure you can find something about yourself to perfect. Take this as an opportunity, not as a challenge.

And also, Nick is right, maybe you’re complicating things. There’s always something we need to work on. And that’s alright, it makes us human.

About the symptoms though, I saw some on the list that don’t seem like character traits but really uncontrolable consequences of life, seems that that road to perfection can be a bit too demanding. So take it slow, and as @anon84763962 said, stop and think about it.

Even if you find something in yourself that’s not on the list :slight_smile:

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i thought it was the doctor that had to figure out your defects not us, sometimes its hard to see the wood for the trees and thats where a doctor would step in.

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To not have defects is to not be human.

Don’t buy everything AA says. They are not licensed shrinks. In fact, most licensed shrinks have reported research bashing AA. Do buy the sobriety thing. That is what you’re there for.

Being human is being flawed and being okay with it, living well despite it.

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I am continually pained by my character defects. Sometimes I can only look at myself and wince. I wish they would go away.

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Easy tiger. Take your time with the steps. As for the character defect step, I think you can use your sponsor to help when the time comes to do that step.

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I dunno about the steps

I already believe in God, already know I’m an alcoholic, already had a spiritual awakening, already made amends. I just don’t know. I slept on it and decided maybe I’m a glutton…but these last 32 days I haven’t been! I’m not perfect yes, but defect seems like the wrong word.

I heard once Bill Wilson wrote the big. Book under the influence of acid…or at least inspired by it. I feel the point of acid was spirituality, and my spiritual accomplishments align with that of the 12 steps

We’ll see maybe I’ll change my mind but I’m not ready yet for the 12 steps, just trying to be sober, listen and learn

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Maybe at your next AA meeting, you can get up and share your problem at group level and ask if anyone can help you after the meeting with this particular problem you’re having. I bet someone would spend a little time to help you.
By the way, whether you are unaware of your character defects or not, you have some.

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Did you see my thread “Crazy experience at AA tonight” i think i met my sponsor

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No, but I’ll check it out.

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Interesting topic. I stumbled across it tonight, doing some internet research for my step 6. I’m currently working the steps for the second time in my recovery and here’s what my sponsor told me about step 6: First of all she encouraged me to use any other, more suitable word instead of “defects”. She suggested I use limitations. She told me, that our character defects are survival strategies. We adopted these strategies at a very young age and we hold on to them for many years, cause we did not know about any alternative. Taking step 6 & 7 means growing beyond your limitations. You let go of something you’ve completely identified with. You let go of things you’re convinced they are so deeply a part of you, they MUST be you! And you set your trust in something completely unknown at that time, something that is just beyond your imaginations - because human thinking is inherently limited. It`s a huge leap of faith, a practice in humbleness and trusting your Higher Power. Obviously you can’t do it on your own, your sponsor will be the most important person to guide you through. And don’t even think about step 6, before you took step 1 to 5.
My first step 6 revealed I was so identified with shame (even for simply existing) and the feeling that at my very core I’m bad and somewhat abnormal that I believed this was my true self. So I wasn’t in a state of humbleness at all, not because I was caught in some form of megalomania, but the opposite, I was imprisoned by the feeling of inferiority. Humbleness ist about “having the right size, the right proportions”, as my sponsor said. Neither feeling superior nor inferior. A lot of my work in step 6 & 7 was about self-love, self-care and self-worth. In the end its your very personal process, but if you trust it, it will ultimately set you free.

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