Schizophrenia.com

Having doubts about my masters

Im struggling hard guys. The material is tough enough, but I can barely leave my apartment to attend lectures. I’m in a numerical methods for nuclear engineering class with 2 other people and every time the professor directly asks me a question I can never answer it correctly.

They assume you are already a master programmer and that you know reactor physics equations and concepts, so they focus on discrete math and ways of iterating those equations. I dont even know where to begin, Ive never coded in Python, I only know C/C++ and Java. Ive been told its easy but thats just one of the many examples of how screwed I am.

I cant fail this though, this is the opportunity of a lifetime. I also got kicked out of the student portal due to an IT glitch, so Im stuck not even being able to study for this shite. It just feels like everything is working against me.

Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent. I barely left the apartment this weekend and when I did I was super paranoid. The neighbors are making fun of me and constantly judging me and one of my friends back home died of a heroin overdose (I think) and I cant go back for the funeral. Why is life doing this to me???

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Sounds like a lots going on atleast you realise early that your not coping with the studies. Maby try and cram in extra hours to get back on top of it.

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Thanks for the advice. Thats what I try to do but I cant access any of my classes on the online portal to do so, so I dont even know what to study. Ill try just reading the books all the way through maybe thatll get me somewhere

Yea work with what you got till the portal gets sorted out .

Sending my support buddy.

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Hey man! I’m proud of you. You sound super smart. I’m sort of jealous! haha. I hope things go better for you. I bet you can do it. If not, maybe take a break and come back to it? That’s definitely one of the hardest majors/masters you can do. Are you doing it for money/career/prestige?

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Thanks man. I think I just gotta grind through it somehow. I cant take a study break as I already had a year-long one due to sz.

Interestingly enough Im doing nuclear engineering because I legit enjoy this stuff. Im most interested in quantum physics but Im not smart enough for that haha so I went with the next best thing. Im gonna specialize in generation IV reactors though because they have really cool potential in the energy sector and involve breaking new ground in particle physics as well.

Anyway dont be jealous dude, Im not that smart I just like this stuff and got lucky really. My bachelors GPA was 2.6 and I made it here because Im good at interviews lol. Hopefully I can swing it.

Thanks again man, Ill get through, this is my dream! What would you like to do if you could?

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Probably physics or engineering. Maybe electrical engineering or computer engineering. Maybe even computer science for the money. I think I prefer hardware because of the potential money too and I want to learn how to work with my hands and stuff. I want to be a business man someday.

Are you interested in nuclear fusion? I think that’s the future, but that’s a long way off. :smiley:

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Cool! You should learn to code and start a tech company! If you get hardware knowledge even better because then you can write lean code that follows the flow of the components.

Im totally into fusion lol dont get me started. A professor of mine said its probably like 50 years away, so maybe in our lifetime well see a net positive energy fusion reaction! We already have the means to contain it with the toroid magnetic field, we just need to figure out how to start the chain reaction at a low enough energy

Good luck with your studies! I’ve taken a course in python and yes it was quite easy but very useful for data. If you get the chance I would take an extra course in the subject. I wanna do my masters after my undergrad is over but I worry about the stress. I’m trying to do remote school (maybe for my masters too) to keep me from having episodes and I noticed I can get more courses in and get higher grades when I do this.

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Thanks man! The stress is pretty intense but Im sure you can do it! Especially remotely, to me the lectures are kinda useless when I can just read the book and go through the slides myself, and then see the professors at office hours when I have trouble with assignments. Anyway good luck man! Well both get through this! And congrats on making your way through undergrad!

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Congrats on getting into a masters! I agree on not really needing the lectures. Thats one thing I really like about remote learning. I get really anxious and paranoid in a classroom setting so this has been a good solution. I hope things work well for you! Remember that most people in academia feel some sort of imposter syndrome so I’m sure you aren’t alone.

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I totally feel you on that, I get super paranoid in classroom settings and always sit near the door in case I need to dip out. Thanks again man, Ill try to remember that were all struggling to get it in academia!

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I had this in my final year of undergrad work. I was very ill and missed over 8 weeks and the professor never gave me any slack at all. I managed to scrape by in that course which pulled my average down quite a bit.

I am not sure I can compare to what you’re studying, so only on a basic level I understand what is happening to you.

If you got accepted at a masters level you have the potential to do this. You need to find a way to crack Python. I was told that these languages are all pretty much similar once you know one, so I hope that’s true for you.

In the end I managed to complete two dissertations when I was very psychotic. I am not sure how I did it, but I know it’s possible to fight back and complete it.

Maybe if this professor asks you something you don’t know, try posing a question back that’s relatable instead of trying to answer it - you may learn more that way.

It always irritated me when lecturers and academics used their superior knowledge to get by. Trust me, once you get that qualification and go into the workplace, it really won’t be like that at all.

I am a data analyst and I suck at maths. I have a computer, and that’s enough!

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Thank you! Thats totally what I needed to hear. Its good to know someone else made it through this sort of thing.

Python isnt so bad its just Im not used to it and I used it as an example of how everything is just little things stacking up against me. Big things too.

But honestly I think I can make it this time. I tried once before and failed that but now I feel like I have it in me. Thanks again for the advice and encouragement!

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Sorry to hear about your friend passing away. That’s really sad.

Any idea when IT will get your student portal access issues sorted out? Maybe check with IT first thing Monday morning. Also, maybe let your professor(s) know you were unable to get on the student portal over the weekend and that this impacted your ability to study effectively.

Do universities in Sweden give any special accommodations to students with disabilities? You might check into this just to see what’s available.

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Congrats on your advanced studies! Also, condolences about your friend.

I hear Python is one of the easier languages to learn. You can pick it up fairly quickly, maybe give it an extra hour or two every day and you’ll become functional in 2 months. From what I hear.

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There’s a humble bundle for Python at https://www.humblebundle.com/books/python-programming-no-starch-books?hmb_source=navbar&hmb_medium=product_tile&hmb_campaign=tile_index_1 . You can get a lot of Python books for pennies each.

Only lasts until 11 AM PST today.

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Thanks @Moonbeam and @naturallycured. I thought he was on the right path this time but I guess he was just good at fronting.

Ive contacted IT and theyve been unable to help me so far, so I contacted my masters coordinator and hopefully she can sort it out. Im going to reach out to my professors today, thats a good idea.

Thats the plan with Python, just study it myself on my free time. Thanks for showing me that humble bundle, I could really use some good resources! Ill pick it up today

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I think you should go see your doctor, because you sound a bit paranoid. I was in the same boat when I was doing my bachelors and thought the uni was making fun of me. But the doctors and psychologists really helped me and they helped me get extensions on my uni work too

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