Having a Hard Time, Right Now

I’m having a hard time, these days with doing anything. Anytime I leave my room, I feel like my brother and my roommates are watching me, somehow. I can’t eat, because I feel like they’re judging what I chose to eat (Because I’m chubby). If I do eat, I usually prepare my food really fast, then eat in my room with the door closed. I can’t let my utensils make noise againsts the dish, in case they’re listening.
I can’t talk to other people without feeling like they’re reading my mind. Well, not everyone, but most people. They can read my thoughts. I have t try so hard to control what I’m thinking, and not think anything stupid or embarrassing.
Today was my last day at the greenhouse. My boss kept coming over to talk to me and ask me questions. It was really frightening, because she was talking in such a interrogative manner, like she was testing me. Anytime she talks to me I feel like it’s some kind of test. While I was working, I had to keep control of my thoughts, and it was so stressful. I kept on getting embarrassed about the things I was thinking. Her husband kept smirking to himself, and I know it’s because of the strangeness going on my my brain.
I hate when I talk to people and they give me that squinty look, and look right in my eyes, contemplating my thoughts vs. what I say. I can almost hear them thinking, "What the f#%k is wrong ith you?"
It’s so incredibly nerve-wracking always afraid to do anything, or go anywhere without being judged. I hate the things that come into my head. Or the things my head makes me say and do. I don’t like being watched and ridiculed all the time and people thinking I’m weird.

I have gone through very similar situations and have felt very much the same way. It didn’t get better until I got on meds. That’s pretty much the only thing that’s going to make these feelings go away.

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If you take this post to a doctor, he may give you some medication to help you, Bunny.

Jayster

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Well that’s not fun to hear, considering I don’t want to be medicated. :confused:

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Sorry. I don’t think anyone wants to be medicated. But you have to weigh out the pros and cons. For me it’s better to take the meds and not have to stress out about what I think all the time or worry about who’s watching and what they’re saying.

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Makes sense.
Medication to me is just another form of mind control. I have a hard enough time maintaining control without them, I am to afraid to ever be put on them. Just my personal opinion.

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Sometimes my mind needs to be controlled, or it goes haywire when left alone.

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@Bunny. It seems so very stressful, what you’re describing, the constant worrying and fear.

What would be the harm in consulting a pdoc, candidly describing your symptoms, and discussing treatment options including medication? This would also be an opportunity for you to ask questions about any concerns you have regarding medication.

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Perhaps you just need a small amount of meds to help you get by. Ask your GP for a referral to a local Psychiatrist.

It could turn your whole life around.

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So that’s what that squinty eye look means. I know that the neighbors probably don’t really care about me but I still have a minor delusion that they have listening devices in my house and watch my every move. Maybe medication is the answer. I know that I used to believe things like I had a stalker or that the cartel wanted to kill me. However after being medicated I realize that is not true.

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Maybe, I don’t know.
Past experiences with psychiatrists have scarred me for life.

I hope you’re okay.

Meds won’t control you bunny: you are controlled by your illness and meds are there to help you manage the symptoms of your illness so you can have a more functional and fulfilling life.
Every medication works that way: people with diabetes or hypertension etc couldn’t do normal activities without meds taking care of their symptoms. And brain is much more complicated organ.
I hope you make the right decision.

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No I’m fine except for the insomnia. I guess I was trying to say medication was the answer like everybody else. If you don’t want to though that’s fine. I personally don’t want voices screaming at me 24/7. Maybe your hallucination are nicer though. Medication has side effect but many people take them because it is better on it than off. I those peoples opinion at least.

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I feel like there’s a way to control sz and use it for good. Kinda like a shaman.

I dont take meds either and I don’t want to take them, having to shift my chemical make up doesnt sit weII with me

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@Bunny,

When I was working about 3 years ago,
I was facing many voices in my head and some delusions.
When I was returning to home, in the bus, then these voices was really getting me crazy.

But, listen, we need to have patience with this thoughts or voices, someday this will end and we’ll get better.

I hope you get better. :slight_smile:

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Yes, I feel the same way.

@Bunny,

How are you right now?

Very depressed, right now. I have to bike into town and get a few things. Trying to get to doing that.
Not much has improved, mentally. Thanks you for checking.