Having a bad day today, vent / rant

this is a rant please skip if it may be triggering for you kthxbai

we haven’t had much food in the house and B asked me to contact my dad on facebook to ask him for money, which i really really hate doing (hate asking family for anything, hate specifically asking for money, hate facebook, hate being in the position of needing to ask for anything)

at which point i discovered that my dad had unfriended me? sometime between january, when we last spoke, and today. i’m assuming it was a mistake because he’s computer illiterate but i immediately felt very angry and sad about it

and of course photos of my sister and my dad are all over his facebook profile, because he loves her sooooooooo much, whereas he can’t be bothered to even see me more than once a year or call me, ever

and then i thought of asking my aunt for help too, since the last time i saw or heard from her (when she told me she’d “come back” to celebrate xmas with us and then never did) she also said “you know if you ever need help just call me” … and her facebook profile was full of her wishing a happy Easter to her kids and their boyfriends / roommates and cousins and ■■■■, like nine million different people, but not us, of course

so then B came home and told me he’d asked a neighbor for help, and then my house was full of people and i had been crying, so i was angry that they were there, and embarrassed, and i wanted to go away but B said they had all “come over to see me”, which is bs, they came over because they wanted to smoke pot, so it was stressful and stupid and i really just wanted to tell them to go away

i went on reddit hoping to vent about family on their sz subreddit but everyone’s comments were basically “oh i love my family and they have been awesome” OR “hey maybe if your family sucks you shouldn’t contact them” which only made me feel even shittier for being angry at my family in the first place, and not having anybody in my life that i trust enough to consider family (with the possible exception of B)

also posted a thing on reddit asking for suggestions and help with managing mental illness and a writing routine, because lately i have been feeling like i should be writing more, like this is the right time to do it – only to be downvoted into oblivion and get ONE comment telling me that my me3ntal heatl is more important than writing, so basically “just be ■■■■■■■ insane and don’t bother trying to make anything of yourself because you’re useless and ■■■■■■ up”

made dinner, watched some tv, was angry because i wanted to watch something else but i knew nobody would agree with me

then i played agar.io for literally five minutes and B wanted to show me a video, and he got angry because i wasn’t paying enough attention to it so he turned it off, and i BLEW UP at him about how he constantly demands my full attention and when he doesn’t get it he gets mad or pouts… said something like “nobody in this house does a goddamned thing for me but god forbid i shouldn’t drop everything i’m doing to take care of them the second they demand it”

turned off the computer, turned off everything, went upstairs, tucked the kids in, went to sleep

dreamed i was in an absolutely beautiful breathtaking alternate reality where i was desirable and loved and wanted and important

heartbroken when i finally woke up and recognized it had been a dream… still heartbroken thinking about it

got out of bed at 2am, came downstairs, i want B to apologize for putting so many demands on me but of course he won’t because he never does, i’m not worth apologizing to i guess, he didn’t do anything wrong and i actually should always drop everything i’m doing to stare at his stupid facebook feed with him

i’m so angryu and sad, i feel so unloved and unimportant to everyone around me, my family completely hgates and ignores me now, i can;'t even expect my kids or B to help me EVER, and any time3 i get upset about it they all act like i’m asking too much of THEM

nobody cleans this house except me, nobody does laundry or takes care of the kids except me, nobody does a goddamned thing esxcept me and if i complain or point this out they all pretend they have no idea what i’;m talking about

and now i’m crying and it’s 4:15 in tghe morning and i have to go try to slee for a few hours because that’;s what i;'m supposed to do right? so that i can get out of bed tomorrow and do everything to take care of everyone else

i want to run away. i want to disapear.

why can’t i have a life where people even pretend to care about me? what did i do that makes everyone hate me so much

ok done. sorry.

I don’t know what you did to make your family turn their backs on you but you can start by laying some rules around the house. If you just let it continue it will just stay the same or get worse.

Running away it’s not the answer.

Good luck

I guess this thread is too long for most of the members on this forum as they have trouble concentrating.

Never make long posts on this forum.


I feel my family hates me too.

OK, the main concern is getting food in the house. If your budget is tight, then Google for ideas on cheap food.

Also here’s a recent thread from @jukebox about cheap eating. You might get some ideas there.

Also, forget Facebook, give your father a ring and ask for the money.