Other than major psychosis which lasted for about 2 years with being full lunatic for a year… I am still stuck in a phase of moving on. 2015 and 2016 have been so tough mentally, with absolute no peace of mind, constant racing thoughts, delusions, leaving the country and what not. I still deal with these negative thoughts on a daily basis.
Flashbacks and just maybe deep down I still can not accept something like this happened to me. I am not over it yet.
I am still trying to figure out a good med, peace of mind, stability, the right direction.
Other than dealing with some horrible people during my psychosis, surrounded by people who never understood me, I have been alone for a very long time. I do everything on my own, and it feels strange that this is all there is to life.
What’s next? Move on… one day. Continue doing things i love and stay grateful for things and people. I am considered super lucky but does not feel like it.
What about you?
I’m sorry it’s been so chaotic for you…just know that chaos can’t last and eventually things will stabilize again…this last year has been very stressful for me too, with seriously difficult classes, symptoms acting up, graduation, post grad plans and an upcoming out of state move…but I know once I finish up my last class this summer and finish that move things will calm down again…just have to take things one step at a time…
I have only been MI for 2 years. I had sudden onset psychosis. I instantly ‘knew’ that I was in a brain study and that I lived in a fake, staged world. They started me on Risperidone. While I regained some control over my behavior (no longer dancing down the street and through traffic), I still believed in my delusion. I just KNEW that “they” were going to physically come and get me and take me to the ‘real’ reality where people were kinder and the world was more peaceful. I waited and waited. I waited for them to cure my brain. I waited for my boat loads of money. I waited and waited.
I am still delusional as hell but I have gotten to a point where I don’t feel like any minute I get to go “home” and be cured of MI and live in a better world. I am much more realistic that I have to stay here in ‘this’ reality and with my sick brain. I am to the point where I wish the mind controllers would take away my knowledge of the brain study and let me live in ignorance since I can’t leave anyway. In short; I wish my delusion and especially the horrible, horrible paranoia would go away.
It’s been a year and 4 months since I had a terrible psychotic episode where I tried to take my life. I can’t say I am over it. I am still terrified something similar or worse will happen. So, at the end of the day, I am not over it yet. It’s only been 2 years since I was sane. My delusion haunts me and my last big break haunts me. I hold out hope that my delusion and my paranoia will go completely away and I can live in sweet remission.
Me too. I think i have gotten over my psychosis but when i talk or when i have an idea about something, people is keep saying “are you insane” or “are you out of your mind” etc etc. It’s like i feel good most of the time but people have different opinion about me. So IDK anymore