After or even before becoming schizo. Like suddenly everyone else became a guru and expert on life and what reality is.
Like suddenly all abstraction and mystery was ■■■■■■ out of existence and there was no debate to anything, that reality became this very concrete thing in everyone’s minds and clear cut.
That’s kind of how you act man. This is that. These are those. I’ve got webbing between my toes.
They haven’t tried to control my sense of reality. They have tried to control my reality. I’m angry about it.
That instead of reality being something explored, that in everyone else’s minds instead it was something that needed to be dictated to you and there was no more room for questions or wonder.
My “step” dad, more like just a fill-in dad for me as he never intended to adopt me, was very controlling when I was younger. I don’t remember much of my super younger years.
It got so bad, though, that I felt he could read my thoughts as a kid. At age 6 or 7 I was already trying to filter my thoughts so that I would never behave inappropriately. He definitely turned me into a strict behaviorist. I’m still trying to unlearn a lot of his patterns, for they were inevitably spiritual barriers too.
Those days were extremely stressful. I almost feel addicted to stress, especially brain-stress.
There’s a name for it in sociology. It’s called “absolutistic authoritarianism.”
But is sz, it usually comes down to having been normalized to rule-mandated black & white thinking to the exclusion of observing to see what actually is in childhood.
Let me put it this way. We can drive what ever kind of car we can afford. No one drives my car when I am behind the wheel , but I do move over into the slower lane if someone is in a hurry, other times I will not , only because I will be making a left turn up ahead shortly and will sometimes indicted to them a ways before to let them in on why I will not move over. In my town it is getting crowded and I don’t always have the opportunity to please the other drivers by getting out of their way. As long as we are all obeying the same laws that keep our driving safe, we shouldn’t care what the other person is driving.
And come on, you’re all the ones promoting the genetic inferiority of schizos. Of course it matters what kind of car you drive!
I struggle with this. Why the ■■■■ does anyone buy coups.
You guys haven’t been educated on the issue obviously. I bet I know things you weren’t told. Such as these people, did they inform you about them?
But hey learning TOO much TOO soon or the “wrong” kind of information can turn you into their slave or get you killed, so I am glad I am ignorant about certain things and had to figure things out on my own! I’m not a slave, just an oppressed TI.
You’re mentally ill man. Accept it.
I agree daimon. After I had a bad LSD trip, it was like everyone became a guru and expert on life. I had to re-learn life from a psychotic perspective. Maybe LSD really did bring on my psychosis after all…although there were underlying mental issues I believe to the fullest that I was self-medicating also. But I know what you mean. And yeah people have tried to control my reality. During that spoken LSD trip people put words into my mind…told me how to act it seemed. And when you take those drugs you are very vulnerable because your ego temporarily dies. And then after that I felt everyone tried to control me and teach me lessons…they thought I was sheltered to the world, when really I was simply psychotic and delusional, and “re-born”. I had to re-learn life and society took advantage of me in my feeble state. But I like to think I’m a better man for all of it. I wasn’t going anywhere before it all because of my anxiety and depression and depersonalization, and now I believe I can accomplish happiness if nothing else ever since becoming psychotic.
By thinking everyone else was a “guru” and “advanced”, i have striven towards a psychic awareness though, trying to understand life, philosophy, people, etc… and believe I have a better understanding of life in some ways than others. Although others still remain more functional. I believe there are some advantages to the schizophrenic mind but they are ignored in Western society.
Unfortunately some of us become brain washed by them and become their puppets.
Maybe so. I don’t let that happen fully. I’m not completely rebellious…I conform in some ways. But overall I’m a non-conformist. Maybe that’s why many normies dislike me so much.
Most my friends I’ve had are drug addicts or mentally ill.
I think we might be rejected by them as a host for our genes. The more “normal” the person is, I think the more likely they are to become assimilated.
At the same time, in their words, “compromised utility is the name of the game.” I think we are more normal than we think.