Schizophrenia.com

Have you ever faced anything as hard as sz/sza?

Feelings of apathy and hopelessness were overwhelming I remember and on top of that being bullied, disrespected ,ridiculed , humiliated etc and my mum and her husband saying I’m not a member of the family my mum saying she regrets giving birth to me and I ruined her life and her always putting sex and men before me and her not loving me as much as I wanted her to and them being abusive and treating my brothers better.

Also ptsd from something I will not say and on top of that being raped so many times by so many men .
I could never speak up.
My no was not strong enough not even as a scream.i eventually went silent and just waited for it to be over with.

It was a different type of suffering than my schizophrenia torture.

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College was pretty rough. Figured it was prodromal symptoms. I went from A student at community college to C student majoring in math. Should have stayed in economics or did business. Wouldn’t have been happy and would have regreted it. But it would have been easier on the mind. Imagine being through all I’ve been through on top of having insanity/schizophrenia. It’s pretty rough. Seems like God has it out for me.

I remember taking discrete math during the summer with an ‘easier’ elective. It was pretty rough on me. I got a B (only math class I got a B in…). I think it’s considered lower division at the time. It was just accelerated and had really high standards compared to community college. I also had hard or bad teachers there like they tought it as a graduate course. I don’t know how I passed probability. Probably got a C/C- but I took it as a P. I kind of regret that. I should have done the grade but then I might have failed. I wasn’t doing good mentally and energy drinks were keeping me afloat and focused but they got out of hand.

I don’t regret going to college or the college I dreamt about but I regret what happened to me. Not sure if from a parallel universe or not. It seems like a nightmare or hell for me. Like I watch movies, and it seems like I keep resurrecting back in time and go to other dimensions and crap. Sort of like “ground hog day” or the netflix show “russian doll” which is worse in the latter case. Perhaps, God helped me a bit but also hates me.

Math felt like a marathon. I hated abstract algebra because I did so poorly on the midterm. Got a 2% but then paid for the semester or year and didn’t know if I would pass. It made me want to drop out, cry, and give up, and change majors to like ancient languages or something. Like Greek and Latin. Probably would have done worse there. I also was upset, struggled, and stressed about not getting an internship my junior year. Had a 2.9ish gpa though. I also didn’t learn crap from linear algebra and Diff eq at community college. My calculus skills were weak. I didn’t really start taking math seriously until my junior year there. On top of that, I wanted to do ROTC, but would have failed or dropped out. I don’t know. Feels like God had it out for me in every life. I think something must have happened. I’m really glad I didn’t attempt or try ROTC. I just feel like I go inter-dimensional and go to different parallel worlds at different times like MWT and the branching starts now in 2013 when I reincarnate at home as a paranoid schizophrenic.

All I remember is I smoked pot, had a NDE, met God, and had missing time. Felt like I went to Mars, but was googling Mars on google images and stuff. Made some errors in judgement. Felt like I was railroaded and crap. I get vivid nightmares and PTSD like dreams and stuff. Like my personality is being edited or thoughts are being changed at night when I sleep. The mind is a powerful thing to waste and is powerful. Junk in junk out, I guess.

I haven’t done ■■■■ since then. I made it (or was a has been as the thoughts tell me).

Felt like an alien abduction or saw a black craft there. Sort of like the aliens were watching me. I’ve had missing time my whole childhood and life and would even argue the universe or I didn’t exist before 2012–sort of like Mayan prophecies or some crap.

My life was changed, timeline was changed, and my life was edited to help me out–despite no cure for schizophrenia.

I saw some black crafts over my house in 2016 probably because of this website and me ■■■■■■■■ and moaning and questioning things. It was like WFM (weird ■■■■■■■ magic) sort of attack that got inside my head, electronically. Coincidentially, I was recovering from NMS and was not on any meds. I had to go back on meds. Could be aliens or not…

I questioned what I could remember. Was it facebook? Possibly. Was it my behavior acting strange or weird around the time I tried pot? I get dreams that confuse me even though I think they’re explaining things to me, but it ends up being a big lie or contradiction and scares me.

This has been going on for trillions of lifetimes, and so far, I think I’m stuck in the year 2013 for eternity, which is a huge inconvience for me. Imagine the ‘power’ and ‘intellect’ I would have if I went back to being a baby. I would know qm and string theory by age 2 or 4 lol. jk. I think I can remember my past lives and stuff and previous loops. Sort of like the filter is gone or largely destroyed and information comes through. Sort of like Tabula Rasa is a joke.

I’m pretty sure I built a time machine and my life has been hell ever since. Must have been my first life. Not sure though.

Nope! Schizophrenia and MI gave me alcoholism, the loss of my daughter, homelessness and prison, and got my ear bitten off for acting out whilst psychotic.

The only benefit is im on decent money. :stuck_out_tongue:

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I still think school was the hardest thing I’ve been through
I was quite unwell and quite schizophrenic with my interpretations of what was actually going on but as a package, early and teenage school was the worst
Schizophrenia was already there then, but that was real and total rejection

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I have not faced anything harder than sz,
By the way I feel its the worst, its like the “quick sand”, if you stop it will stop, but if one puts an effort to come out it will suck us in to it.
Only way to hang on is with others support.
Thinking about it, sz is deep as ‘black hole’.

It’s Mayooiya of eyes. My glass number is minus sixteen.

Probably the hardest thing I went through was the divorce and the lost of custody and visitation of my daughter(even though that only lasted five years). I grew up in a house of physical, emotional and sexual abuse and “flunked” out of basic training.

@SacredNeigh7 it amazes me you can function as well as you do after all that you’ve been through. You must be very strong

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sz has been the worst experience…ive had major depression with psychotic features which was tough too…then bullying cost me a certain amount of grief…and severe acne kinda ruined mychances with girls (yeah still a virgin)

No i havent, schizophrenia was the worst for sure!

Nothing beats sz in my life. Sz was and still is my greatest challenge. I don’t even wish sz upon my worst enemy.

People say that but I actually agree

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Thank you :slightly_smiling_face:

I’m just thankful things got better.

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My physical disability and childhood abuse.

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Going through my pregnancy unmedicated and having my child adopted at birth was definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Getting off drugs when I was younger was harder too.

Moving across the country was harder.

I can think of a lot of harder things now.

Living with schizophrenia is kind of a slow burn most the time.

I get little pops of crazy every once in a while, but for the most part, it’s livable.

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Post traumatic stress was the hardest for me then depression and anxiety then delusions which caused more depression, anxiety and paranoias.

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Nothings been harder than being on invega for me…

Invega Sustenna has been the best antipsychotic for me so far.

I notice a lot of people not blaming the sz for their hardships throughout life, I think I will try and do the same. I blame my sz on everything and why I can’t do anything or have a normal life. I’m gonna try and not use it as an excuse but my nature is such though, low self esteem from the diagnosis. Possible to get in a lot of trouble by blaming the sz I think, no one would care or accept blaming sz for how you act

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