Today I went to GP.It took me half an hour to convince my new GP that I have no willing for life any more.
She looked my results of blood,gall bladder is full of stones,my hcv might be back,things like that. Tried to convince me to care more about my health. I listened til she finished,it took her fifteen minutes,then I said ”I don’t care,I have no energy for life and fight.
She was kind of confused,and then asked me personal questions,who I live with,do I have a support,do I have money .. Then she understood and stopped talking.
Told her to give me my meds for next six months,bc I can’t come often.Then left limping,bc I had nerve pain in my leg.
All came for me, terrible voices, waking too early, lying all the time, excessive pain in gall bladder..
That’s a concern you need to pay more attention to.
Life where can I start. I have all the support I need. But still exhausted for no reason.
Now a days my main focus is to sleep for 10 hours which is much needed. To function well.
I also got to know night shift is the best work for me. As I can’t face day light as something does cause uneasiness.
May be I am a vampire but they don’t think of the next day. They think only for today how shall I find my food.
All I want to convey is take one day at a time then take one moment at a time. So what are you gonna do about today.
If I think of my life all at once it’s a messy thing.
All we can do is be content right now. The present is all I have control off. Like right now. I am just thinking life is good. But when I think of expectations I am like I don’t deserve this. Why me. Why can’t I say why not me ! I have all I need and I am like bring it on i am still breathing. Once the life is done with me. I want to be reborn as a same person and face more of life. If life is all roses and blooms it’s not fun with out thorns in them.
You know life is hard because you have seen what is normal. Was normal fun or suffering?