I think its kind embarrassing and somewhat as a flaw in my life if i ever make something of myself. I had a step dad that got murdered and knowing the murderer and have enemies and few close family members including a parent who comitted suicide. I wonder how it effects oneself.
I’ve had two friends commit suicide, both were troubled with mental illness for a long time. We were not close at the times that they did it but I still felt a lot of pain over their acts. Every death is a tragedy but suicide is on a whole different level of sadness.
A guy I knew from AA meetings years ago got stabbed to death right outside the front door to his apartment. I don’t think the police ever found out who did it. I have known 5 people personally who killed themselves and MANY people who attempted but didn’t succeed. Four of those were fellow schizophrenics. The other guy was someone I knew when I was 18. I moved away and didn’t see him again until I ran into him in at AA meeting in 1992 when I was 31 years old. He was a tough little guy. His father used to beat him and his sister, I saw him once just after he got beat up. It was not a pretty sight, he was bruised and bloody. Stuff like that messes with your mind too. He was also heavy into drugs. He took 5 hits of acid once and didn’t sleep for three days. But when I saw him again at that meeting he was clean and sober with a pretty young wife and a little boy. He ended up hanging himself. It was quite a shame.
That just reminded me of two neighbors in two different places who did that. That seems just cruel on whoever finds them.
I was in a group home in my late twenties and a guy there, a little younger than me had beat a guy to death with a 2x4 a few years before for insulting his friends girlfriend. He only spent two years in prison. Nice guy though, friendly, good sense of humor. He liked me for some reason, we always talked. I think the murder was seen as a “crime of passion” and that’s why he got off so easy.
Our family lost two cousins and an Aunt to suicide. Well, we lot them twice… first was drugs and alcohol then suicide.
I also came far to close to the final exit. It was luck, love and my kid sisters quick thinking that got me 911 and to the hospital just in time.
Yes having my kid sis find me like that and have to do CPR and call 911 was the cruelest thing I have ever done to her. She’s 17 now. It’s been 6 years since that day and no matter how dedicated I am to staying healthy now, she still has night mares about it.
My cousin committed suicide not too long ago. It was with a gun, so that’s pretty effective. Also, two of my great grandparents commmitted suicide–before I was even born. I tried committing suicide about twelve years ago with pills and booze, and when that didn’t work, about a week or two later, I tried just pills. That didn’t work either, but I ended up with a low grade fever for about a month, and pain in my right arm.
My grandmother committed suicide. The feelings that came from that made me decide I would never follow a similar path.
My bipolar dad killed himself by shotgun when I was 19. I don’t want to trigger anyone, but let’s just say the scene was VERY traumatic and is way worse than what the movies depict a shotgun suicide to be.
My high school mistress killed herself after being in and out of mental institutions by her family’s hand and shooting herself in the chest.
When my illness set in, I ask her if she ever experienced my symptoms and she did, problem is, before she could really help me any she was shipped to a hospital and ended up killing herself before I could see her again, I think.
I’m not too sure I’ve felt the way I felt about any the way I did her. When I got the call she died it was a head circus fiasco honestly. The clouds where talking to me at first, then there was a dramatic pause and I got a call or a text with the news. Half of my face was frozen in a smile and I hallucinated half of a smile while the other half of me was hurting intensely.
I had to learn to forgive her for leaving me here alone.
At least her suffering is over.
I envy her sometimes when I get to wanting to end my life. The only reason I wont do it is because I believe in hell and it scares me lol!
Thats sad Snow. I can only imagine what it would be like. When i learned about those around who did that, i guess i think i can still communicate with them dead or alive. i lost alot of emotion and normal stuff due to sz but i still care.
Well I’ve just started feeling extreme emotions around the same time I got Sz.
I think God told me it was the gift of a heart and He gave it to me for Christmas.
I’ve been trying to give it back because emotions suck, especially when your voices don’t love what I love and like what I like.
That Christmas song that goes, “Last Christmas I gave you my heart, the very next day you gave it away” or something like that, makes me feel like God is sore with me for forsaking the heart He gave me. I’m not too sure I feel bad though
that is really sad that all you guys had to go through that .
p.s my neighbour shot himself last year it was so sad for his family,
i lost a friend, she was only 21 .