Had to call the cops

[Ninjastar]

That must have been very scary. And yes, I do believe that meets the definition of domestic violence.

Different people have different thresholds. My dad’s friend was married to a bipolar guy. Occasionally, he would have an episode like this and she would need to call the cops on him, and then my dad would go over and help her. They made it work, despite all that. But he was actively doing everything he could to manage his condition. Therapy, meds, working out a safety plan on his good days, etc. He took responsibility for his actions and knew it was his job to keep her safe when he had an episode. He couldn’t control his actions very well in the moment, but he could practice beforehand to normalize coping strategies and train his brain to respond to calming cues.

If someone hurts you because they have a mental illness, that doesn’t take away the pain. They don’t get a free pass to not bother working on themselves. That is one thing that has kept me from joining other mental health forums. Too many of them perpetuate the attitude of “wah my mental illness hurts people and then they leave me but its not my fault they are just mean and wont accomodate my mental illness.” That attitude doesnt lead to recovery. It leads to driving away everyone around you and ending up alone because nobody wants to be repeatedly hurt by someone who makes no effort to stop hurting them.

[Moon]

If she was in therapy and doing the work I would be more willing to stay and work through this. I’ve been asking her since the beginning to go to therapy, she went after a while but kept canceling appointments and they stopped seeing her. She blames them for that and swears she tried but I remember differently. I kept giving her chances because she would promise to go. She made some steps a few months ago but has been making excuses or forgetting to call and schedule.