Had another crazy delusion the other day!

Well since you all know. I’ve posted on here before about my mental health issues and I feel very comfortable posting my beliefs in here because were all here for a reason and its good research for those in need of it.

Anyways I had this crazy delusion about my mental health how my whole life was like this government project that started when I was born and played out all of my life, because I feel they have the technology to plan ahead with psychotronics and the speed is pretty accurate I would assume. So with these delusions I encountered my life being completely and utterly molded into someone that I’m not and never will be and it has been used against me in the future like I wear my pain on my sleeves or something do I look that transparent.

Like my whole life was manipulated around my pain from past trauma and how people treat me it has been an on going thing for years now, but its gotten a lot better over time, but most of all most of it is name calling especially like a manipulative calling that feeds off my past kind of like Mikey for instance. Man do I ever fee like a wimp when this stuff happens because I don’t respond to them I just keep on saying what wimp to be talking to me like that.

Anyways I kind of grew up a little rough when I was younger in the cities somewhere beyond the valley and through the woods. It was good growing up until I got into about 2nd grade the my parents got divorced and I went through some sexual abuse. Through all this my parents were constantly being manipulative about things like giving me this bad image about my father and what he did to us and all this other stuff but it was all the time. Then I would see my father and that’s what I would see.

Then my father was busy with work or getting his life together to support us financially putting a roof over our heads and trying to take care of business so I have no issues with him on that level at all but some of the emotional support and trauma that I went through he really didn’t take the initiative to get me help and probably didn’t think I needed. I held this grudge against him for years because of that he always told us to speak up but he would never initiate any of it like a father would if there son was in pain and had hard way of expressing himself.

then once we moved out of the city into the country it was like it never happened and we just had to move on with life but we always went down to see my mother to visit and every time my mom would mention about him it was the same old tape and this bad image of him.

So it was a constant reminder and then on top of that the sexual abuse I went through. So for years I hadn’t grieved over some of this and not really until my twenties till I had been partying way to hard and being late at work I finally got the help I needed for my emotional problems and grieving over this. When all reality I wasn’t the problem it was the people around me that were the problem and there wimpy attitudes, but it affected me alright because I didn’t understand why everybody was attacking me constantly it seemed like everytime I was doing something or going somewhere someone was manipulative or treating differently it was everyday all day. So in essence the thing was to make me look like an adult child who was gay and who was psychic but I caught on to there devilish schemes.

Mean while a lot of this was going on I was acting out because of it and not getting help either through porn or other things like alcohol anything to numb myself so I wouldn’t feel what was going on. At times I would go into altered states or hypnosis (which I’ve been under hypnosis and it works) and I would do things I normally wouldn’t do but it was like I would start doing things and then I would catch myself and think what am I doing or why am I doing this and then I would stop. I smoke some weed in college parties, I’ve got petty misdemeanors on my record nothing to bad

It all seemed based around my trauma and because of the sexual abuse they were using against me to trigger me into a self defeating ways so I would eventually commit suicide or something but I got out of that and got help for some of that because I needed it the most and I had God on my side as well.

so I feel I was this test subject in psychotronics by the government and my emotions were suppressed because of not being able to tap into my psychic abilities due to my clair audience, because your emotions are the way to the force, use the force I tell you…lol.

See on top of this I’m fully aware of whats going on I’m not going off the deepend… just yet! hahahahaha thank god! but if anything god has taught one thing I got a spiritual ass whoopn fo sho! but I also learned that it wasn’t right and the sad thing is that I feel this is not a mental health problem at all but a boundary problem and the values in the relationships around me but I couldn’t speak up or get help for it because I never felt safe when I was younger because I didn’t understand and in the future when I have kids they will for surely know about these things not just on an animal instinct level.

Nowadays I’m living life! :smile: I’ve been sober 4yrs now. I’m steadily getting back into the working fields with my associates degree hopefully its still a work in progress. I’m hoping for the best! I have a roof over my head I take full responsibility for the things in my life and I can say I have no needs from my past except for some emotional support issues which I’ve been finding better ways to deal with in therapy or AA if I have to because I don’t feel alone especially nowadays and with all the stories I’ve read about some of this stuff and they say that our mental health issues are more common today then they were back in the day and its weird how it only happens in the prime of your life after everything else you’ve been through… Sounds like a conspiracy!

so how I cope with it nowadays. I just walk with faith and just keep going and don’t look back. Then theres the part of me that calls it a benedict Arnold or another one was Judas (turncoats and two timmers) about the real traitors in America using technology to torture innocent people in my book that’s a traitor hands down because there given positions of power and then its used against society and I’m not saying its just America either it can foreign because we do have to look outside the box at some of this and take all aspects into perspective, but then again I’m very delusional or am I sane?.. Only god knows! Amen

Have a good one!