I’m not sure what the deal was, but I had a bit of an attack like I used to have back when I had a touch of agoraphobia. I got real nervous and felt like I could not control my eyes when asked to play sheet music. I was fine when not reading sheet music and playing, but was uncomfortable being watched while I was reading music and playing. Felt like my eyes were darting around. It seems to only be when he was off to the side where I couldn’t see him in my forward vision.
I’m not sure what the deal was. I had this problem a bit when I was younger, but it hadnt been an issue recently. Maybe it’s because I went down on meds and went back up…maybe hasnt had time to fully adjust to higher levels in system? Maybe too much caffeine?
Whatever the reason, I had a bit of an attack, the likes of which I have not had in quite awhile.
I hope this does not continue.
Thanks for reading.
I would give up caffeine. I had issues yesterday too after drinking coffee
It’s ok to be gentle with yourself. Don’t let yourself overthink it. I hope your next lesson goes much better. I think it will.
Could just be a one time thing. These things (panic attacks) sometime occur with our type of illness. Hope you are doing better, and hope it doesn’t happen again
Too much caffeine, and being watched and in a public space would definitely do me in.
Thanks @Sherlock . I just don’t want it be a regular thing. I like my guitar instructor and don’t want to appear to be a weirdo. lol.
Also, it appeared to make him uncomfortable as well as he started doing other things…like grabbing a pop out of the mini fridge, rustling through his bag, etc etc. Seemed like he was aware of my nervousness and was trying to do other things so he wasn’t watching me while I was freaking out.
Actually, I had a piano teacher in high school who ate meals and talked on the phone during my lessons. It had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him. Don’t let his distractions bring you down
Have you disclosed your illness to him? Maybe that would make you both feel more comfortable, like you don’t have to “hide” your symptoms. And he can be aware that you may have quirks sometimes
No I haven’t. I’m not sure if I want to. I could always wear my schizophrenia shirt if I want to make that apparent though.
I gotcha. It’s a very personal decision to do something like that. I understand not everyone likes to disclose that type of info
Thanks @CoCo . Maybe it was my imagination that he noticed
I usually dont mind if its just the average joe on the street. I wear my “F schizophrenia” shirt in public on occassion. Just not sure if I feel like have that conversation with him.
Another point is, I don’t think its a sz symptom in and of itself. I think its anxiety related. I used to have this more when I was younger.
I wouldn’t tell him you have Schizophrenia but if you want tell him that you feel anxious from time to time.
The stigma is real.
P.S. It was not helpful to my playing either. Kind of hard to concentrate when you are freaking out. lol
I totally understand. I have GAD and pretty bad agoraphobia.
I sometimes tell people I have an anxiety disorder, instead of schizophrenia, and they seem to be more accepting/understanding. Like @Wave said, the stigma is certainly real
I’m also dx’ed with GAD and I sometimes get random anxiety attacks out of nowhere.
But don’t worry bud. It sounds like it was just a kink in your daily routine.
It’s so weird how our brains can be sometimes.
I would give up the caffeine and I myself need to give up caffeine