My paternal grandma likely had undiagnosed and untreated sz/a. She had intense mood swings like the ones I deal with and had delusions of being a prophet that she couldn’t be reasoned out of. She seemed perpetually unaware of social cues, much like me. These problems could make her a bit difficult to be around at times. Unfortunately, in spite of all these issues, she never relented to seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist; instead, she chose to self-medicate with alcohol and valium.
What really drove home that this was probably her affliction in life was that, during her final days, I found a pamphlet about dealing with a loved one with schizophrenia on her table that had likely been left by a hospice nurse. When I saw that, I knew someone had picked up on the same signs that I did. It’s just unfortunate that her symptoms came to some sort of medical attention too late.
Leaves me wondering if I could have talked with her about our shared issues when she was in better physical health. If she’d been willing to listen. If I could have convinced her to get help, too, because my life had been so greatly improved by it and she deserved a good life too.
Been a melancholic past few days.
As always, thanks for reading.
(Side note: I’m certainly no expert and I don’t want to seem like I’m giving her a definitive diagnosis. But there was definitely something that she was dealing with that needed attention. I’m mourning the fact that she never received closure or help for that. I don’t know why I’m dwelling on all these depressing things lately.)
My Mexican, paternal abuelita, (grandma), probably had sza as well, which she passed on to her son, my father. She was very talkative and was also very paranoid and never learned how to drive (no one would teach her). She was also very loving. Especially when I was little. I loved her very much.
I’m sorry to hear that. It sucks enough suffering with this on your own, but knowing a loved is suffering/has suffered, too… It’s rough.
My grandma was very loving, too, in her own way - she was always buying gifts for us at thrift shops and giving us checks for small amounts of money for helping her around the house. She was also quite fond of picnics and yard sales and outings to scenic spots. I’m glad there were things in life that gave her enjoyment.
that’s really sad.
In a far off way it reminds me of my mum, she has depression and self medicates with lots of food. I find it painful to witness. she is morbidly obese and Ive heard her say to my dad that she doesn’t like herself at night when they were in bed :((
Did she know you suffered from psychosis? Maybe it was to do with you…? maybe not
That’s awful about your mom. No one should feel that way about themselves. Do you think she’ll ever be open to the possibility of seeking help?
She didn’t know about my psychosis, I don’t think (she was kept in the dark about a lot of important issues), but my grandpa does, and I know it worries him, so that could be a possible reason for the appearance of the pamphlet.
I knw right, it makes me feel uncomfortable hearing her say that too.
I have a feeling it is life long but can be reduced somewhat. But who am I to judge that idk, maybe she will recover from it totally.
I need to have a deep chat with her but unfortunately Im not currently in a place to do that at the moment
Yeah, I hear you. I have trouble communicating with others about their mental problems (with people on here being the exception because… I guess it’s just easier to talk about such things through text as opposed to face-to-face?) because a) I don’t want to say something to make their problems worse and b) I don’t want my problems to be made worse because I can’t kid myself that I’m not still dealing with a lot of stuff myself.
It sucks because I don’t like seeing people suffering. I feel helpless most of the time.
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