Was thinking about the future, and I counted maybe 70 years before am an old granny who needs constant help - like the Queen of England; but looking at her, I could add maybe another 10 years to the 70 years… So I got 80 years to do stuff before I gotta go into full retirement.
I feel it’s imperative not to waste any more of that 80 years on paying attention to the delusions of schizophrenia. But it’s hard contemplating what to do, but I also don’t want to be one of those old people who only start doing what they like when they only got 10~15 years left before they die.
It amazing though how old the world is… people never think of how beautiful living is because they’re always self centered never imagining 8000 years ago their was a person out their doing what persons do - living. All those old indian temples… those places are apparently older than the romans, and people lived their. And now they’re all dead, and it’s like my turn to live; and looking at those old dead people, I realize my turn is precious, and I got 80 years plus maybe 10~18 years retirement of it left.
I realized how precious life is last October after a suicide attempt. I took 50,000mg of Tylenol and went into liver failure. I got medevaced to Seattle cuz they thought I’d need a liver transplant. I spent 16 days in Seattle before my liver enzymes came back down and I was considered medically cleared.
I experienced a gratefulness for life that I had never known before and realized just how short and precious our time really is.
I’m not saying I don’t have issues or thoughts of suicide anymore, but I spend a lot more time TRYING to live and appreciating the small things than I did before.
And even the thought of taking a Tylenol makes me immediately nauseous now.
suicide, aish… that’s a rough thought… usually it’s out of anger that people feel it apparently - not that I understand, but it’s born from anger we can’t act on… glad you went through it fine… it’s just a shame that others don’t. If only there was a way to just take a pill and block thoughts of it… that would be a godsend…
Sure, before America was “discovered” by 500 different nations at 500 different times, some of the Native-Americans cities and their societies were as sophisticated as lots of societies in Europe or other parts of the world of the time.
And the word and concept of “discovered” is a misnomer. The land we call America had citizens that had been there already for a thousand or more years. It’s like me taking an airplane to France or Spain and getting off the plane and saying “I just discovered this land and I claim it in the name of 77nick77 and California.”
I believe life is choice. You can make the right choice or the wrong choice. Both can be wrong according to other people if you weigh in too heavily on their opinions. What matters more is how you view your own life and the things you believe in or don’t believe in. If that makes sense?
Talking like this caused my psychiatrist to up my meds. Lol i was like “existence is weird” and i explained the universe, vibrations and other stuff like how language is arbitrary, or how almost everything is. He was like, maybe you should get the injection.
Just because im being philosphical, doesnt mean im psychotic. Just means thats where im heading. lol
exactly… Queens husband is like 95 and he still drives ofc guys gotta run for cover everytime he drives, but still… he’s still driving and the Queens like 93 and she still works on official affairs.
life is frivolous, we could be here today, gone tomorrow, it basically that uncertain, obviously we want to stick around but its all been planned out in advance, you need a greater understanding in order to properly prosper physically, spiritually an awakening
seems like it would be an interesting thread.
ofc guys gotta run for cover everytime he drives, but still… he’s still driving 
and the Queens like 93 and she still works on official affairs.