I was at a bachelor party this weekend and got in a verbal conflict with a “friend”. It was towards the end of the night and we were both pretty drunk. We had finished up bar hopping. Someone decided they wanted to go to IHOP. We all headed out of the hotel and as we got out the door one of the guys started calling me an effing idiot over and over. He said I had been vaping the whole time in the elevator and in the lobby and that I was never aloud to go on a trip with them again. The other three guys started saying that I was stupid for vaping too and that I was going to get us kicked out. I felt cornered so I lashed out I started screaming at the first guy that he talks to much and cursing at him. Totally lost my cool. 5 minutes later I was apologising and the guy just gave me the silent treatment. That’s about how the night ended. I sent him a text a couple of days later saying I was sorry and he said don’t worry at all. The problem is I have sz and I’m thinking they all hate me and are talking behind my back and plotting against me now. They know about my diagnosis. It’s really stressing me out because they are the only people I hang out with these days.
Tldr: after verbal conflict with friend I am paranoid he is out to get me
It sounds like you shouldn’t have been vaping where you were and they treated you normally and expressed their feelings. And after flipping out you had the right reaction the second time which was just to say sorry I shouldn’t be doing this. What you are feeling is the after effects of your moral compass swinging back around and guilt for social disgrace either perceived or true. It’s up to you to feel right in your own mind and decide what’s important to you.
People make stupid decisions when they’re drunk. It doesn’t sound like your friend is holding a grudge. He’s probably made stupid drunk mistakes, also. You apologized, and it sounds like he forgave you.
Maybe the next time you have out with them, you can avoid getting drunk. If you’re in full control of yourself, you’ll have an easier time behaving appropriately.
The weird part is I didn’t remember vaping at all. I guess I must have blacked out or something. I vape all day so it’s must have just done it without thinking about it. Anyways I know I shouldn’t have lost my temper, but it just felt like everyone was attacking me. I’ve been questioning my intelligence a lot lately between the meds and the illness I feel like it’s really affecting my cognition. That’s why I was sensitive to being called an idiot I guess. It happened a week ago so I’m pretty much over it but it still replays in my head sometimes and my voices say they want me to hate that person. Like they are replaying it my head waiting for a certain outcome or something. Anyways I think it will just take time. The wedding is in 3 days and I’ll see everyone there so that may help to see that they aren’t really mad at me.