At risk of repeating myself. I just need to talk. I’m not looking for solutions I just want to share and feel supported. I’m going to phone outpatients this coming week to see if I can see my pdoc on Wednesday
I feel like I need to kill myself to be the sacrifice so I don’t kill my husband with my thoughts. I need to save him from myself. Alien doesn’t need to tell me that I know it myself.
I can’t live a torn life. I’m probably not going to kill myself but it fills my head. I don’t k own why now.
I want to speak to my sister but she’s clamming up as she has problems of her own. I wish she’d share and I share and we can support each other. We can’t be problem solvers all the time but we can help each other carry our problems.
That’s why I come on here too. I don’t want to make a nuisance of myself I just want to feel like I’m not alone. Sorry again if I offended anyone.
I’ve been away for many months so I’ve lost track of things. Last time I remember you and your husband were separated and a divorce was on the table, you were living with your sister and feeling largely unconcerned. Can you please fill in the gaps for me? How come you went back together and now you’re feeling miserable again? And Alien rears its ugly head again…
Hi @Andrey yes I was separated and staying with my sister and had breakdown and went to hospital. In hospital realised I still love hubby and went back to him. This was Jan Las year. Then had good few months no problem had been placed on antidepressant as well and did well.pdoc I saw thoughts my prolactin too high placed me on quetiapine and lowered my amisulpride. Quetiapine didn’t work out side effect too bad so started haloperidol. then yhen in July or so alien started bothering me and by Sept I got ill and on top of it I stopped my haloperidol for two days and got breakdown where I thought I was to martyr myself so alien doesn’t use me to kill my husband. Went to hospital in Oct till Nov then got out and was ok for few more months till a few days ago. Conflicted thoughts about staying with hubby because I can’t cope
The breakdown that occurred while you were staying at your sister’s - did you tamper with your treatment?
I remember you were quite lively and had plans to find a job or to start writing? Also, loving somebody and realising you’re miserable together are two different things, in my opinion a sz sufferer shouldn’t be forced into an unhealthy relationship.
@Andrey no I didn’t tamper with my meds that time I was with my sister. I was happy but hubby kept on phoning me and begging me to come back and not wanting to let me go and I grew depressed and suicidal and had psychotic symptoms as well which led to hospitalisation. In hospital hubby still phoned till I was asked by nurse do I love him still so I said yes so she said try save marriage so that’s what I tried doing but will it stay that way? I still love him so much but struggling to cope with carrying on
Yes he treats me well but I have to do a lot for him due to his epilepsy eg. he can’t cook or drive due to seizures so I do it, and he wants me to type his messages as I spell better and he’s awkward with technology so I do his online banking for him. It’s tough but I did it because I love him and his family don’t support him very much.
Ok I won’t insist then, maybe your husband is worth the effort, but for you being a caretaker while dealing with sz must be very hard, hence the symptoms. And he was basically harrassing you during the breakup and while you were in hospital.