Going Gonzo

After a year and a half of blogging sz, cbd cannabis, sobriety, recovery, and the rest, I have decided to go gonzo. Like the great Hunter S. Thompson, much of my work from here on out on the blog will be an autobiography where the line between truth and circumstance blurs into a beastly creation, the premise behind gonzo journalism. I like drugs and I love marijuana. And I also like being a person with sz. This means I get to work less and focus my efforts on improving my life without the nonsense of life getting in the way. My writing is still raw and rough around the edges but I see great things for me as a writer and you with respectful curiosity and giving my blog a read. I’ll try to keep up with it everyday, I would love to produce a work that garners somebody’s attention and affection. “I was halfway to Vegas, when the drugs began to take hold.”


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Be careful man. You already have MI

Man, I know. I just want this reprieve, if I have a higher power I want him to grant me pot immunity. Why should I continue to suffer without herb. Stopping is way harder than giving in, maybe that is the moral to this story. Why do I always have to be strong? Aren’t I resilient enough pot aside? I had an interesting day and I can’t say that 95% of the time. At least there is that.

Dude I gave up pot. You just have to being willing to forget it’s out there.

I smoked every fuggen day for 7 years

I don’t miss it. Wasted so much time and money and concern on that ■■■■. Didn’t amount to anything.

What made your day interesting?

I went to a meetup thing at a go-kart place. My friend was supposed to meet me there but he didn’t show. I ended up talking to these guys, rambling on about their cars and stuff. I think at one point I asked the guy to punch me! I was completely out of my mind but those guys were cool. They were like, “man, I can’t hit you.” I was disappointed. From there I went to the gym and played pickup basketball. I was still wowin out a little (wowin out is like you have sz and you smoke pot!) but all the ballers at the gym were cool. Dare I say it, I felt accepted, which in the world of sz, is huge. 95% of the time, I go to the gym, talk to no one and return home feeling tired but not mentally tired. Engaging in conversation is something I normally never do, but today, with the pushings of the weed, I was able to do it. I felt accepted, that alone was worth the crazies.

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everyone is different, though, you know. Some people swear by it, sz or not. Let’s not stigmatize its use, feel shame, or even guilt about its use. For me, it gives me energy and the huevos to reach out to people. Can I do it sober? Heezy no!


Well that’s good man, glad you had a good day.

Quite the opposite here.

I don’t even like being high any more. It started to feel unnatural and my mind started associating it with evil and stuff. Like it’s just not something I should do any more. Devil whispering and telepathic messages and ■■■■.

and I respect that Soit. Maybe I can be in your shoes someday and have that type of attitude towards it. It’s just so available for me, it might as well be sold at 7-11. I still have a joint in my stash, I’m not sure what to do. I have work Friday, but def won’t use tomorrow. Just to let you know, my trial work period ends next month, no more disability checks. Just nice knowing there is a safety net there in case.

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That’s awesome you work.

Yeah disability is great. Once your accepted it’s a lot easier to get back on it if things go south.

Yeah, can’t jeopardize work, that is for sure. I had 75 days dude, and today I just could not help myself. When you do not feel connected, that is like 80% of the battle. Going to meetings, taking a sponsor, that was all great. But when the cravings hit today, I didn’t resist. I didn’t call my sponsor or do any outreach. I got high as ■■■■ and I am still in one piece.

I got a nice job soit, and I’m not going to let it go anytime soon. I’m going to stop counting days.

Damn dude.

What made you have cravings?

My day off. Nobody home. Hump day. Taking the cans in to be recycled = $6.80. Eating some Vietnamese food. Seeing my therapist. Finding out I should not go to grad school. The Dodgers not doing well. Stuff like that.

■■■■, sounds complicated.

Slipping up and smoking for a couple days ain’t that big a deal.

If you want to get back on track you can forgive yourself and just keep the 75 day count going.

Well, I have tomorrow (Thur) off as well. Gonna see another therapist and my pdoc. Not going to tell my therapist about the relapse, it is our last session tomorrow, his internship is over. Gonna smile and thank him for teaching me to celebrate good, positive things in my life-- to not to overlook them as I have been doing most of my adult life. Going to show gratitude and be thankful that therapy is available and wish him well on his endeavors. To feel connected to another human being.

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Forgive myself and keep truckin with the days? Ok. Done. I have 76 days sobe :sunglasses: r

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There you go man.

I took a hit a couple weeks ago.(it didn’t count)

“Sober” for 2 years here

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lol. tell me about your trip (aka high aka experience aka intuition)