As I try to work to keep my composure I find I’m working with a very hard head.= my own. I’m sure it’s from lack of rational use and warmth. I only recently discovered I even can be warm and can actually do what I’m told if I’ll just relax.
I conquered the piano for want of power. Now, I will do it to give people the pleasure of music…That’s a change in motivation.
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If your goal is indeed altruistic…you are well on your way to success! 
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Right now it is only part time altruism as I only feel that way some times. I’m no saint. But I’m told it’s normal to ebb and flow so that should be ok. Wish I could go steady.
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I have gone from thoughtless to overthinking too. I am scared of these thoughts.
I cannot be altruistic with my pianism as I suffer from too much performance anxiety to perform for an audience of any size. I hear from piano teachers that this is common with adult music students. They say that children are “fearless” performers.
I used to get “butterflies in my stomach” when I was a kid.
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The type of performance anxiety I get is the severe type that totally prevents me from performing at all. I can’t even perform the first note of a song in front of an audience of even one. Why I keep studying piano is anybody’s guess.
It’s because you love it. Actually, that should help you to perform. If you are enjoying what you are doing, you can “ignore” the audience while being engrossed in your work and by being a good salesman of your music at the same time.
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