Goals unclear growing up

My parents never told me “you have to do this. You have to do that”. I was more so told you will do this. You will do that.

Meanwhile my co workers would tell me “you will be in control of (your dads company) one day”

That really went to my head. Someone already facing mental illness. I later told that co worker I was Sz and he actually was understanding and felt really bad and always gave me a hug after that.

He was just joking around I understand now. But then he felt remorse me being Sz and all.
Because Sz ran in my dads family and he definitely saw my cousin devastated by the illness and he didn’t think I was bad for it so he was real nice after that.

But my parents never put pressure on me growing up. But my mind was so messed up by the time I was 18 that when I first figured out my dad was in control of a company when I was 19. (Before that I really didn’t understand, just knew my dad was successful). But I was really in denial about my schizo at this point everyone was asking me what I wanted to be. I would say a writer. Because I thought I was good at writing.

But I really think my Sz ■■■■■■ me over.

Hey i gotta regroup and I wanna get a job at the elderly center in a cafeteria through rehabilitation services.

I’m only 30 years old and I’ve pretty much overcame schizoaffective on meds. I still can write. I still can work. I get disability and my parents help me too. Which is good for now. Ultimately I wanna be independent but I’m grateful for my parents right now.

I just think it’s an unfortunate experience that I became so delusional. I was delusional BEFORE I ever thought about money. But thinking I was gonna be rich made things a million times worse. My parents were ALWAYS planning on selling their company. I had no chance to be the boss. But my schizo wanted to believe it’s true.

Oh well. I’m more humble than ever because of these experiences and I can only move forward from here. Just felt like sharing tho.


I used to work in Nutrition at a dementia care facility. Best job I have ever had. Get ready to see people going through probably the hardest point in their lives but the elderly probably show the most beauty.

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I did it before but only a 35 hour evaluation. I did very well but they weren’t hiring.

I’ll start off as a volunteer if I have to. However I think I’m very capable to work. And brs organization tends to hook you up with a paying job if you’re on ssdi. I’m gonna call up the brs today

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