Slowly I’ve been giving up the past three decades. I’m not willing to shower today or clean my apartment or take a walk. I feel cynical. I want to say negative things here on this forum. I am alone all the time and I don’t get along with myself. It doesn’t sound like anything new or original does it? I shouldn’t think anything about it, it’s just it has been going on so long. I can’t hurt my Alter Ego without hurting myself but I hate him and I don’t care about myself anymore. Do I still believe in the supernatural? When am I ever going to lose faith? Does it even take faith to be hurt by those ideas?
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I was willing to play guitar and mandolin today. I just got down because have trouble swallowing food and threw some up that was stuck in my throat. I’m feeling better now. I’m going to shower before bed, it feels so nice to go to sleep clean!
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It’s hard to break bad habits. Hopefully I can break some this new year. I hope you do too.
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