Getting support but not satisfied


#1

I have many good things to be thankful for almost every day, like family love. But I continue to feel some sort of need. I wonder why I cannot consolidate on my wins. The problem that stays with me is difficulty awakening.
It’s Wednesday and I would like to see results tomorrow morning on Thanksgiving. I don’t want to sleep 12 or 13 hours.


#2

There’s a line from a song

“You don’t know what it is but There’s got to be more”

I feel like that sometimes too.


#3

Your meds might make you sleep that long. If that’s the case don’t beat yourself up about it.
Have you ever been diagnosed as borderline personality disorder? It can make you feel an emptiness all the time.


#4

Thanks for your reply @Pianogal . This morning I got out of bed about 6 or 7 times, had a cup of coffee, and then laid back down to get more sleep. I was not really feeling sleepy. For me it’s a compulsion to lay in bed as long as possible. One person said it may be my Diurnal Variation. Some people like you mention my meds. I am just so upset about this. I feel bad in the morning and then bad thinking about it later in the day. This has been going on for about 9 months.
On the other point, I will read about Borderline P.D.


#5

I still think meds can cause a lack of motivation and might make it harder to feel like doing anything. We need them but the drugs are not perfect.


#6

Changes in your medications should help with your sleep problem.

How to feel your family is a good thing - is nice but doesn’t stack up to ones relationships in the wider world. At least with me. It’s a wound that I lick.


#7

Here is my current thinking: I think the meds are influencing my behavior. Sedation is a factor but not the main one. I have been begging my doctor in every way I can think of to lower my meds but he refuses. I see him in one week. I believe I am “suffering” from this problem.
I looked Borderline P.D. There are about 10 different symptoms of this. “Chronic feelings of emptiness” is one of them. But I don’t fit the other symptoms. Such as impulsiveness, intense and changeable moods, fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting, and frequent suicidal ideation. Here is the link I used which is from the National Institute of Mental Health (USA): Borderline P.D.


#8

@Here4You
Are you tired? Or not motivated?


#9

@Here4You

You may be suffering from depression.

It’s often said that the two most important days in your life is the day you were born and the day you know why. We all search for a meaning and purpose, with many people saying it’s found in love and work.

I recommend two books: Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl and Life Without Limits by Nick Vujicic.


#10

Thank you @pob . I have some relationships outside of the family. I have about 5 or 6 friends. But I will admit that I have problems in relation to the “wider world.” That was insightful.
The lack of fulfillment “in spite of family love” is a stage I have been going through for about a week during my vacation from work. I am afraid my whole 12 day vacation will be unsatisfying and I won’t have another vacation for a long time.


#11

@LouiseG If I get less than 10 hours of sleep I feel tired on awakening. Otherwise it is a compulsion to stay in bed every minute possible until I absolutely must get up. When there is nothing scheduled, I just lay there unable to get up until about 11 am (about 12 hours).
My conclusion at this time is a mental process caused by my Zyprexa 20 mg.


#12

@HelenBack Thanks for your help. I am searching for meaning in life–something to get out of bed for. I will look into those two books you recommended. I recently decided my main purpose in life is to study and care about schizophrenia, in myself and in my friends.
If it is depression it is not the dysphoria. It could be some variant of depression. In which case an anti-depressant would help.


#13

@Here4You
I understand. I used to sleep that much, too. I also stayed in bed. I ache for you. I hope motivation comes to you that overpowers the sedation from the meds. I take Modafinil and that helps me now.


#14

Thank you. I got up after about 11 hours today, so that’s an improvement. I will now try to read so I stay up.


#15

I can relate to this “purpose”. It seems having this illness forces you to learn about it and become compassionate to others who have it. It seems it’s about understanding, acceptance, patience, and compassion. That’s all I can make of it.


#16

Good job! Smart plan!


#17

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