Gaining or losing insight?

I’m taking my medication as prescribed now every day. Vyvanse in the morning to focus and Abilify at night to cut the noise. I’m doing better respectively. The notion that schizophrenia is a dissasociative personality came to me, even having been diagnosed with schizophrenia before bipolar…I don’t understand either maybe? I put up a wall of indifference but I really just never got social rules or ideas. I fell way beyond eccentric into nuts. I have been trying to analyze the source of my first episode and I can’t find a reason. Does that mean it’s not actually my fault I became this messed up or should I be grateful I’m no longer a morbidly depressed actress looking for escape from her own mind. I probably have schizophrenia bipolar type if anything even tho I don’t hallucinate I sense the sickness. It’s a wave of suffering like I’m starving myself so PTSD everyone with such an illness seems to have panic phobias is this a natural reaction to genetic disorders or a chemical disease?

I can’t get to the core of my own insanity! I want to know what makes someone normal…like I want to be a part of a community or collective thought process but I don’t or can’t place myself in social categories other than I know about me: my goals shift over time and once I wanted to escape and justified my problem but it was also a sickness

Can I be borderline? I’ve had borderline episodes from schizophrenia when I was a teen. The constant fight is pointless and so I found self acceptance. I don’t know this illness exists I can’t prove the things I’ve seen that aren’t supposed to exist…

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Glad that you found a medication regeme that seems to be working… Things do improve if you take medication and take care

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Random thought of the hour: you can’t defend blood through attacking the flesh because cancer has no race nor creed, neither do the wars we fight to bleed. Our events weren’t defined, the future will not be designed and when our hearts lost the beat our voices started to shine then the cracks let in the :sun_with_face:light and we were forever undefined.

I’m feeling profound


Thanks cloud dog! Yes things are improving now. I realized that I’m over analyzing myself and I’m ok. I need to structure again so that I can stay mentally well and not overwhelm myself because mania builds off of that. I am not a prophet and I don’t need to be anyone special you know.

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