Functional Life

I am worried. Worried that I won’t have a “functional life”, I want to work, I want to have a family of my own, I want to be married, I want to earn and climb promotions and so on.

I feel low functioning, I have to use modafinil a lot to keep myself going, and it’s not a harm. It’s just expensive.

There’s people worse off than me, but if this illness has taught me anything, it’s that I only have myself and therefore should get the most out of myself by myself. Because I find dependency on family for emotional support emasculating.

How am I meant to not seek a way out of this, because sometimes, and oftentimes, I feel leaving the world/this life is the best course of action.

PS: I found out roughly how much income my crush has, and came to the realisation I may never match up and be able to provide for her. I’ve seen statistics strongly favour divorce when the man earns significantly less than his wife.

but that isn’t always the case though… don’t let statistics rule your life…

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But doesn’t it scare you? make you doubt? When a statistic overwhelming fits an idea? Because that is how I feel about it. You are right, but idk, can people really be that understanding for that long? I mean for marriage/ long relationships

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if you really love each other then your income is not gonna make or break your marriage/relationship i think.

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There is truth to what you say. I have an aunt that works as a teacher and her husband used to run a business but stopped and now he doesn’t do anything I believe, so it’s possible.

I just freaked out when I found the estimates for her job title and company. It’s a lot. And she’s not exactly unattractive by any means, which makes me wonder why she’d ever notice me. I avoid her like mad, but I’ve heard things to suggest she may still be interested in me as a person … I haven’t got a choice but to try hard and hope.

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I wish I could help you but I am not functional and cant work. But I am not depressed anymore as I accepted my new sz life. Also you need work generally if you want a partner. I had a gf for 5yrs but she left me bcz I wasn’t able to work. She works full time in a pharmacy and told me that I cant stay in the house 24/7 not working. So we left each other.

She doesn’t have any illness, maybe if she had a mental illness she would understand more.

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It’s weird for me because I have bursts of ability and then bursts of non functionality and so i feel unpredictable. Also I can’t stand the judgement - looked down on for not working, some people just don’t want to believe in sz

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