Schizophrenia.com

Frustration with illness

Does anyone else ever get frustrated with themselves over their illness? I mean today I was particularly annoyed with myself because I wanted to watch some things on-line but my lack of focused concentration has been extremely low all day. I also started reading a new story and I am having a difficult time connecting with the characters, I can’t tell if it’s me not focusing well enough or if I just don’t like the story I’m reading, it’s making it hard to sit and read through the whole story. Normally a book like this I’d be almost finished with but I’m only about 15% of the way through it and I’m dreading picking it up and continuing.

Anyway, I was just wondering if it’s just me being hard myself for having lack of concentration, and still hearing voices despite constantly taking my medications…and feeling depressed because I don’t think things will get better. Or if it’s common for people with mental illnesses to be frustrated with themselves…

Don’t be so hard on yourself…

I can’t read more than a paragraph or two at any given time. Haven’t watched a movie in months. I have the attention span of a gnat on 15mg of Abilify.

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for me its the lack of interest…its pretty bad lately for me…

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It is normal and common to get frustrated from time to time - it happens to me all of the time.

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Yep. I don’t have the motivation or will power to read, I’m becoming so stupid, I have chronic déjà vu, I have torturous memories of past lives and the future, I’m fat, I can’t work, I’m poor, and I don’t have a girlfriend. Oh and I’m also depressed.

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I get frustrated often.
It’s hard for me also to tell if the story isn’t interesting enough or I don’t have enough contentration to finish it.

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I get very angry with my illness, especially when in school and I start seeing my demons.

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I got a concentration problem,too, Sohare1981. I could only read short essays. If it is a novel, I could only read one chapter each time.

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sohare, i often get frustrated too. at a point that i punch in a pillow. my pdoc added me depakote. like you, i cant read, cant watch a movie on my computer, just the tv is ok and internet :slight_smile: i cant tell you if this will get better…i hope so though :/… the hardest is the reading of a book, i dont have enough patience neither interest.
take care, you re not alone…

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Thank you for the replies, at least I know I’m not alone with my frustrations. I think because a lot of Schizophrenia is internal for me it’s hard to tell if I’m being lazy or if it’s really my illness keeping me down. I did finally have the ability to sit and watch some shows on Hulu last night that I’ve been meaning to get caught up on, and I started feeling a little better. I also did some pretty good writing yesterday, which I’m actually proud of.

Today all I seem to do was sleep though, I’m still tired too but I rarely let myself lay down after 4pm until bed time. Normally I say 3pm, but like I said, all I really wanted to do today was sleep. Maybe I needed it. I don’t know I am feeling a bit better compared to yesterday.

I’ve found that my frame of mind can have a big influence on how well I read. Being manic with your thoughts racing can make it hard to do anything. I usually calm down considerably in time.

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I spend a lot of time online. Not really productive. I don’t have the patience to watch TV programs. I read at night. Thats about it.

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My disorder makes me feel like a Sim, under someone else’s control. I cannot fully think or feel freely, I am always “assigned” to do something - like eat, or rest, or write, or walk, talk & act.

I’m slowly getting used to it. I can’t break free from the mental control & destablization, so I might as well learn to live with it.

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I kind of feel that way. Like there are so many different ways I can interact with the world given the limits of my body and medicated brain. I often think I’m in a parallel universe and that I have lived the exact life, the exact events over and over again. How can free will be real if this is true? Why do I have the same exact thoughts in parallel universes? You would think they would be different. It is like a sim. I am not the creator, the originator. I am a slave to the universe.

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I understand your feeling like someone else is controlling you. Sometimes I get to the point where I’m just doing the motions of a daily life…like I just get up and eat breakfast because it’s what I’m supposed to do…but sometimes I’m not all that hungry…like one morning when I was up in Chicago visiting my grandfather the day we were leaving I wasn’t that hungry and I was throwing up (allergies more than likely) but I still got up and went down to the hotel breakfast and tried to eat something so I wouldn’t sit in the car all day with an empty stomach…it didn’t really help because it came back up a few minutes later.

I was really lucky that I fell asleep in the car not that long after getting into it and I didn’t get sick again the rest of the day since I mostly slept in the car on the way home. Then we stopped for lunch but I wasn’t exactly hungry then either but I still managed to eat a burger and fries…which thankfully stayed down. If I wasn’t the kind to sleep on a long car trip I probably would have gotten sick a few more times that day…but fortunately I sleep well in the car.

I am very frustrated I admit. Mental illness can be very cruel with the meds and the stigma. I don’t want to be hated in the future. It is frustrating, and often I can’t express what I really feel. Frustration is what I feel on a daily basis.

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Your experiences seem to me to be the quite ordinary, average experiences of any person with SZ, close to mine, although a bit more exaggerated. You are aware of what’s happening and why. Knowing all this gets burdensome after a while. I’ve gotten tired of the experiencing of my illness, its symptoms, the answers to it, and have taken to my bed in the last few months. Sometimes I think I’m dead.

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