Has anyone else noticed this weird paradox with asking for help? If you apologize and thank someone and express self-hatred/shame about it, people will help and assure you that you don’t need to feel bad. But if you don’t act like you feel bad about it, they start to get annoyed and don’t want to help.
I don’t think it’s nefarious. I think people like feeling helpful, and like being reminded that you know they’re being kind to you. It makes them feel good. People enjoy helping because they get something out of it, too. They should be able to feel good about themselves. It just gets confusing, because i never know the correct level of gratitude to communicate.
I struggle with this, too. To the extreme that I feel I have to give every detail of why I need help, then apologize for being in need. It’s embarrassing, but I feel as if I truly need help and receive it I want the person to know just how much I appreciate it.
Then I feel worse because the person that helps at the time tells me I don’t have to give a reason or thank them so much.
I think it has to do with childhood or adult trauma of needing to always justify everything and prove you are worthy.
I feel that making someone explain why they need the help in order to receive the help removes their dignity. If someone needs help they should be able to ask and be taken at their word without having to justify it.