So I’ve talked somewhat about these memories I have, what I call The Saga of Alexander Struck by Lightning. There are so many of them, all telling a linear tale, that I can’t remain aware of all of them simultaneously. I remember the story in bits and pieces which at one time came to me in the form of flashbacks. Nowaday’s they don’t disturb me when I remember them, remembering them is just like remembering any other memory that actually happened to me. But these could not have as I was never away or gone for any extended period of time when they were taking place.
It just boggles my mind that this story consisting of thousands of memories, visual as well as tactile (I can remember how things felt physically), emotional (I can remember how things made me feel emotionally) etc. just manifested it’s self in my mind at one point in my life. It is not of my creation, I did not make any of it up, it is not a dream, they are memories, yet they are memories of things that could not have happened.
But where did they come from? It will probably be a mystery for the rest of my days. It’s very difficult to determine when exactly I began to remember parts of it as my “false memories” as I call them had begun to corrupt my real memories and become something intertwined and indistinguishable from fact. I do have a memory of having one of these flashbacks at age 18 but I can not even be sure that really happened either.
At 18, long before my experiences with psychosis, I can remember walking through the woods with my girlfriend and a few friends. We were all in the throes of an acid trip and I can remember having one of these flashbacks. What I flashbacked to was another acid trip yet I was on a stage…dressed as a sea anemone of all things. I remember describing this flashback to my girlfriend and our other friends at the time. I remember telling them that it I had been performing in the “Andrew **** show”, I was dressed as a sea anemone because I “could not see my enemy” and I remembered a song I had written for the performance…I was 13 years old in this memory.
I also remember looking up this Andrew character I had never heard of yet remembered in my flashback, and found that he existed and was a still up and coming musician. I even downloaded some of his music and had a listen and “remembered” references made in his songs. My girlfriend at the time told me none of what I was describing could have happened and that she was finding this very disturbing and wanted me to just forget about it, it was just the acid she said. But, I said, how could the acid have triggered me to remember somebody’s name? Somebody who actually existed? Forget about it she said.
And forget about it I did. For, as far as I know, another six years when it ALL came flooding “back”…
I’ve never spoken to another person who’s had a similar experience with such a large number of false memories all telling a story that makes sense…how could this just pop out of one’s mind???