Friendship boundaries

My best friend has been staying with me for the holidays, and they said to me “I see you and [my partner’s name] hugging and feel like I’m missing out.”

I told them sorry, that I only really like hugging one person. Is it okay to only ever want to hug my partner? Am I being a shitty friend?

Edit: My friend asked me “why is [my partner] the exception?” And I said “because they’re my partner” and they said “but I’m your friend.”

Feel like I’m being an ■■■■■■■ but I don’t like being touched for the most part…

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Your body is your body. You don’t have to share it when you’re uncomfortable doing so. Someone who expects you to when you’d rather not is the one who is behaving improperly.

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Omg THANK you. They’re mad at me right now for saying I don’t want to hug them. I just needed someone to confirm that this is entitled behavior on their part.

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I have an extremely hard time with being touched. Even my own wife and daughter know not to hug me or grab at me without warning. I tolerate it because they’re important to me. Otherwise, @#$% off, no touchie.

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Glad I’m not the only one.

I have hard time just holding my gfs hand. I’m a bit like a cat when you go to touch them and there back goes inverted

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I’m like that. I do not like being touched. A lot of people have asked how the heck I ever had kids. Well, I enjoy being touched by one person alone and in the past I was very choosy about it, too.

I do hug my kids, but even they know I don’t like being touched often. It sucks to be a stand offish mother, but they get it. I Pat them or tell them O love them all the time.

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It is 100% okay not to want to hug someone.

I will say that it is MUCH easier for me to get comfortable with the idea of hugging someone if I feel like they will respect it if I change my mind and back out. Pressuring someone to show affection is a guaranteed way to make sure they never feel comfortable enough to actually show you affection.

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My entire family including extended family members have boundary issues.

No means ■■■■■■■ No

You don’t need to explain yourself to your friend but I would be up front with her.

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I’ve never been a big hugger. For some reason I feel very uncomfortable hugging guys though. I feel much more comfortable if it is a woman, and it’s not a sex thing, because I have less issues hugging my nieces or my mom if they ask but I feel awkward hugging my dad, or my nephew or my brother in law…don’t ask me why, it must be some psychological thing.

But yeah, if you don’t want a hug, I agree with everyone else, that it should not be forced upon you to do so.

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Fortunately, we aren’t big huggers in family so it doesn’t come up very often.

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Sounds like your friend is being a bit weird and inappropriate in my opinion… you’re definitely not in the wrong. Don’t be manipulated into hugging someone. I hope you can have a healthy discussion about boundaries and things work out.

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Haha so funny cartoon.

You’re exactly right about being pressured. I honestly didn’t mind hugging them occasionally, but it really made me not want to ever be touched by them again when they basically said “I’m jealous you don’t hug me as much as you hug your partner.”

I will never hug a friend as much as my partner, and now this particular friend least of all.

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Maybe if you have explained to your friend it’s nothing personal, you’re that way with everybody.

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Apparently I give off a “don’t touch me” vibe, so people rarely try to touch :sweat_smile:
I do make it clear that I do enjoy hugs, as long as they’re genuine and from someone I trust.

I try to establish consent by always asking before I hug, in hopes it’ll make people do the same for me.

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I established other people asking for consent early on in my friend group when someone hugged me by surprise and I screamed DONT TOUCH ME UNLESS I SAY ITS OKAY!

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People generally don’t hug me. I think I give off a don’t hug me vibe.

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