Fragments from the Past, hunting memories of those voices

I hadn’t been reminded about feeling left alone, abandonment. Till recently…

Before, when I was mad into the darkness of those voices. I had been told, by the voices, everyone wants me dead and were hunting me down. OF course. Naive as I was. I beleived them. And I ran from anyone, and everyone. How they acted proofed the voices right. I don’t know how. But it seems for curtein to be that way. I never felt so alone in my life, after that. Having no one to turn too, having everyone against you. Just you basicly… Against the world. Heh… I fought it anyway. With what little will I had. And you know? I manage myself pretty well, and came to know the voices weren’t real (without medication, or help from anyone else). After I knew it wasn’t real. I didn’t bother with them much.

Then recently.
I had a fight with my dad. We both scrapt it out with our fist. After the fight. I walked off in a pissy mood. And my dad tells me I have to move out. So, now. Everyone blames me for the fight that happened, and nobody took my side on the deal either. Just blaming me, and me alone. Thats when I remembered back in the past of being alone against everyone I trusted. Its really rather lonely to me.

I know this may sound weak. When compared to others who suffer more. However. We all live by our own views, and expriences too. Thats my just of it all.

And, well. THats a small part I wanted to share.

Otherwise… It’ll get turned into suicidal thoughts later on. I wish not to be like that any more.

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The voices I hear tell me people are after me too, I also see shadow people that follow me. i’m sorry you had a fight with your dad.

I’m sorry this happened to you…
You’ll have the strenght to figure out what to do. Have you said you’re sorry?

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It is hard to be left out on a lurch after such a bad experience. If you reach out to others when you are weak, you have a good chance of finding someone who will support you emotionally and possibly also help you to see things in a balanced frame of view. For this type of stuff it is better to find a professional who is working purely for your best interest and does not have their personal baggage to get in the road of helping you. Keep your chin up. If you need to get help from a counselor or someone you trust including others who have gone through it. Staying out of the blackhole if you can is much better than falling back into it. If you dont want to talk to a professional there are plenty of available resources that can help you, including books on CBT, ACT and others - but that might be counter productive considering what you are afraid of is the loneliness that was with you when the voices got you down. There is things you can do to surround yourself with people including volunteering, group therapy sessions, recovery groups, schizophrenia groups and in australia there is the hearing voices network where you talk to others who may have had similar experiences to yourself.
Good luck with it. Dont be afraid to get help to get you over a rough patch in life. It might make it less painful in the long run (talking from experience).

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I hope you feel better soon.

The false memories… the mind scramble… feeling the memories of stuff that didn’t happen… it’s painful.

I’ve felt some deep guilt for stuff that felt so real… but never happened. It makes it more painful to realize how much my brain and my mind argue.

Good luck