I know parts of this are going to be difficult to understand since many members here aren’t religious. But I’ll try my best to say them quickly and explain what I mean.
Ok so what are the four words I wish I could take back? “Will you marry me?” When I asked Jeanette (that’s her name easier than saying my wife 50 billion times) for her hand in marriage it was the stupidest thing I have ever said. Why? Several reasons. One is, there hasn’t been a single 5 minutes after we got married that we’ve gotten along. We’re both Calvinists but I guess I’m Calvinist to a higher extreme than she is.
I’m highly archaic in my religious beliefs. I believe the Bible and the last time my wife’s opened her Bible has gotta be 8+ years ago. But anyway, we both don’t believe in divorce which causes major problems in our marriage. In fact, without divorce I think the only way Jeanette can be happy again is if I died. If I died she would be free to meet and marry somebody else because I? I ■■■■■■ up too badly. It’s impossible for me to ever make her happy. I can’t just divorce her because she (and I) both think that if you remarry after divorce you’re committing adultery.
The only way for me to undo this horrible ■■■■■■ is if I died. Not suicidal I’m talking about natural death here. I weigh over 400 pounds it’s only a matter of time till I suffer my first heart attack. Doubtful I’d live that. Especially if I tell noone and 911 never gets called. Maybe they’ll invent a time machine before then and I can go back and never ask her. Hey it could happen, but I think a heart attack is a more likely and better solution to this problem.
Thanks for listening and trying to understand anyway. I just mostly wanted to admit to the world that wanting happiness for us was the stupidest mistake I ever, ever, made.