Forget Lemons, Life handed me a bag of rocks and a noose

DX'd - Sz/SzA
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As some of you know, the oldest of my younger siblings lives in a house in my name, he lives there for 400 a month (which is ridiculous because I spend 400 on the water and sewer bills alone). He gets a govnerment subsidy for his living (they pay for electricity and the taxes…supposedly…I am supposed to pay those things, then send in a form to be reimbursed…ive been paying these bills for 3 years now and just got the first reimbursement for the first month I paid for, this week.)

Well he is getting a visit, sometime today or tomorrow…because he showed up at his day program smelling like ‘he hadn’t showered in weeks, and was sleeping in an open sewer’. So I came over to make sure the house is clean, because if it isn’t, even though I don’t live there, I can be fined up to 10K for endangering a special needs adult.

I get here and the house looks like a combination of a crack house and a landfill. paper plates and bowls everywhere, the sink full of dishes that have been sitting long enough to have their own biomes, dirty laundry EVERYWHERE. And the whole place smells like he has been using the floor for a toilet. I finally just got done mopping, all I have to do now are dishes and laundry…

my problem is not that I had to clean, I don’t care about the cleaning part. its the fact that he refused to help clean, until I became so frustrated and upset, because if I get fined for HIS living conditions the state will automatically take my dogs and send the little ones (my dead friends daughters that I care for )into foster care. Two of my dogs have a small amount of wolf to them, and one is a pitbull mix. State law dictates these dogs be put to sleep within 48 hours of being removed.

Anyway I became so upset, that I began telling him what would happen. And his response? So, not my problem. So I told him “It will be your problem when I blow my own brains out and they take the house to pay my fines and bills, putting you on the streets!”

I had to THREATEN SUICIDE to get him to act, and even then it wasn’t because I would be dead that he acted, it was because he wouldn’t have a place to live if I died.

I was beyond the point of being upset by the time I finished talking. I went through the five stages of Schizophrenic Mania. Upset, Angry, Panicked, Flipping out with paranoia and grief and finally numb to all emotion. Well water is done boiling so its time to do dishes…heres hoping nothing has evolved to the point of having fangs and venom…

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I’m sorry @Dremulf.

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Well if it’s any consolation what life handed me broke me to the point that I didn’t even know what had hit me and then waited a fifteen years to blow my mind, break my already broken heart, let me come out of the unexplainable, recover mentally and find that I can’t sanely put the pieces of my life together and move on as I’m not in Kansas anymore…and I’ve never even lived in Kansas, it’s just a quote from an old movie. I was done long before I even knew I was done. Now I feel like I could live again and guess what? the odds are one thousand to one.

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Life is tough sometimes and some people dont get it. They think its just as tough for everyone. Not true some people really do get shittier sticks than others and even if u do everything right sometimes it still doesnt helo much. Part of the reason i hate this place so much cause its ■■■■■■■■. No one should have to live in agony everyday.

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Whats really sad about this, is that I have this…not sure what to call it…Genetic Conditioning? No matter how shitty my brother treats me, I still cant say no to him…its not like Stockholm syndrome, its just that, I feel this overpowering need to protect him and care for him, like I do all my siblings. The only way I could stop feeling this way, is to stop breathing…

I feel so bad that he thinks of me as nothing but an easy roof over his head. I have protected him for the last 24 years from bullies and mean teachers…

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Have you signed on as your brother’s guardian? If not, maybe you could take steps to get him moved to public housing, or some cheap place. Then you could rent your house to solvent, paying customers. I guess you have to ask yourself how much you’re willing to be responsible for your brother’s behavior. I think you should look for alternatives.

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he does not qualify for public housing, and no I am not his guardian, but I am his second on his list of emergency representatives in the event of a medical crisis

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You’re a good person. You try to help people. Maybe you’re brother is not ready to live alone and take on all the responsibilities that entails. Is there any other options?

With the first ten years of my disease my parents pretty much did all the work at finding me places to live. I depended on them so I went with what they said. If they found a hospital for me I would go along with it. If they found a group home for me I would move in. It’s a matter of “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you”. Does your brother have an inkling of what this saying means?

In my twenties I got moved around a lot to different cities, neighborhoods and group homes. I survived.

Maybe finding a group home or shared housing would be better for your brother at this point. If he drags both of you down in his current living situation that will not help anyone. Sometimes people have to do things they don’t want. But they survive it anyway.

I didn’t want to take medication or live in hospitals or group homes. I hated them. But who cares if I hated them? That’s life. They helped me in the long run. Anyways, good luck to both of you.

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Can your brother get ssi or ssdi where you live? I think the best thing for him would be to get put in an assisted living center for the mentally ill. That way he would have mandatory interaction with other people. That could go a long way towards keeping him sane. I think it would be far better than the situation he is in now, and it would take a lot of the burden of caring for your brother off you. At least in Oklahoma, most of the assisted living centers for the mentally ill aren’t bad places to live. I’m addressing you from one even as I write this response. It’s not possible to have an internet connection at most assisted living centers, but I think most of them are getting internet computers at their day treatment centers. You ought to check out the possibilities.

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my brother does get SSI, but he doesn’t have issues with social interact that are caused by illness. Actaully despite years of testing not one doctor has come up with the same diagnosis…one says Autism, one says pervasive personality, another says Bi Polor depression with psychotic symptoms. One even suggested he has a narcissistic sociopathy that makes him feel the need to fake mental illness because he has siblings with it…That he feels the need to be the center of attention, no matter what.

I have been trying to get my brother into an assisted living complex for over a year, but because he is his own guardian (yeah sure his official diagnosis makes him completely incapable of living on his own, but they make sure he is in charge of all his stuff) I have to rely on him to fill out the paper work and sign it, and he always manages to lose it, even if all he has to is sign because I or my mother filled out the rest of it.

He makes me mental, no pun intended, and there are times I catch him on his laptop when I go over, where he is reaing the symptom sof various mental illnesses. The last time I saw him doing this was a few months before he was diagnosed with High Spectrum Autism with Depressive Components.

I don’t WANT to believe he is faking it, maybe he was googling his symptoms? But the words of that doc from six years ago stick with me…give my brother’s past behavior, faking an illness of anykind is actually the kind of thing he does. If I got the flu and had to stay home from school for a week, he’d go into the medicine cabinet and take my moms laxatives and my stepdads special allergy meds (they make you puke if you eat something you ae allergic to) and he’d be sick for TWO weeks. We actually caught him doing this once. Another time my middle brother got sick with meningitis and nearly died, so this first brother decided to drink floor cleaner so he too could go to the hospital. When he was much younger, if my mom paid any attention to me, he’d scream until she was forced to go to him…

As I think about it, i’m pretty sure my brother just sees me as competition…I think the only reason he tolerates my existence at this point is because it gives him a place to live…I mean now that me an my mom have made amends, if he finds out we are having a dual session, he calls her in the middle of it with stupid crap like he’s out of food (we had just gone grocery shopping for him that morning, he had 200 worth of groceries in his house) or his doctor called and he needed to get to the office right away for something (my mom called his doctor to find out if she could wait for an hour, and the doc had no idea what she was talking about)

My brother is a self absorbed brat…damn…and it took writing it all out to figure it out…

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It is good that you have figured that out. Now you should go back to that doctor who gave him the Narcissistic Sociopathy and get him to an assisted living center.

You would still be able to visit him and he would get the help he needs. Right now he is a danger to himself.

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