Forced goodness

I am wondering if anyone else feels like this. Do you ever feel like your voices control your mind to force you to be good and pacified? It is driving me nuts. I can’t take it.

It makes me want to become satanic. Anything to liberate myself.

My voices force me into a weak, pacified state and I hate it because I’ve felt what my real state is like and it is strong and powerful.

There is no joy in my life. No power or domination. I hate my existence and almost wish I was dead.

I am a ■■■■■■■ slave.

yah. My voices do the same thing. I feel the same way sometimes even though I know I would never become satanic, I just get so annoyed on having to be so creative spiritually to get thru it without sinning. Then I feel like I have this almost imposable job to say genuine.

Sometimes I feel like this is happening to me because I am actually a psychopath and these voices are here to control me like a clockwork orange.

I feel an uncontrollable rage but I have no way to express it. I feel powerless.

But these voices suck the life force out of me. AHHHHHHHHHHH!

I perceive many people to be my enemies. I am almost a misanthrope but not completely.

People I don’t even know I already hate just from looking at them.

The truth is I hate most people and cant stand being in their presence. I find them boring and infected by their mediocrity.

They’ll never change me. They can bound and gag me but eventually I will be free.

Sorry guys. I was being brainwashed into feeling that way. I am a good guy.

It was just toxic people in my life.

Ok don’t let those voices get you down!
You will beat them!
It ain’t worth it they aren’t worth it!

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The voices were telling me I only want to hurt people and that my ideal relationship with a woman is love and hate. I am no longer Christian but I still didn’t like it how they said my real desires are anything but Christian and my dreams are definitely not Christian either.

They went over all my dreams and fantasies and twisted it to make me feel unchristian. I am not Christian but I still did not like this.

I don’t like it because they destroyed my faith. I got sexually attacked by females in my head telepathically. It happened every night and it broke my faith.

yea they try sometimes untill I grab a gun and am about to go postal then they let off.
you have to let them know just how close you are too losing it. they will attack for a few years and you will get better by default untill they stop making you better by default and you have to make yourself better by moving forward.then you get out and are set free.:smiley:

like for the first 6 years I got better by yearly default
then for the next 3 years I have to make myself better or just not get any progress
then I should be completly free by the the end of my 9th or early in my 10th year.

I am just saying this because I wish there was someone to tell me what to expect.
instead of all these 30 year shock horror stories about never getting better lol.