For the recovery, is it up a bit also about not caring so much?

Ok, i know some of you dont see me as paranoid here, but maybe i have it and maybe its what stops me a lot…
Tbh, i feel always low, always scared, scared to talk, to look as ugly i guess, to look as a bad person… Maybe the deeper thing is that i am scared that i am ugly yeah…
Ok, ive isolated for 20 years. Now i fight but my head turned overwhelmed and dumb by sedentary, inactivity and loneliness and negativity… Ive turned to somatize also…
But what is a normal state? Does it include a bit to not care so much? To have a bit of unacring set of mind, is it that???
Why i do always feel bad when socializing… Maybe the reason for real is that ive always felt ugly eh? I dont have access to these truths now yet tbh, i am just guessing…
The zyprexa can work on this kind of complex, friends?? Why its not working after 5 years yeah? Ok, ill continue my efforts, i really turned numb, but idk why i get so paranoid in the evenings… I also talk with efforts still, with no pleasure at all and i hide often by fear of the others… I am scared that theyll judge me or aggress me… The ap should work on this too? Should i still believe in that zyprexa or it wont do more than it did till now? It helped to make me eat and sleep, but not on my mental yet… But consider that i am sick since the age of 10 and i started taking meds around my 27 years…
anyway, maybe i am just ugly and i need to take an ap because of that…

No one again? What if i wasnt realizing that i am ugly and that this was hurting me all my life?
What if i have a deadly complex? Idk why i still have no life after 10 years being on meds lol…

You shouldn’t feel guilty about your problems. I think vicious dishonest people try to make things worse for people.

You’re not ugly. I’ve seen your picture. You’re beautiful. I think if you’ve been on the same med for SI long and it’s still not working you should try something different. They’re are so many options anymore, your shouldn’t have to struggle so much with a med that isn’t helping.

Thanks, dear, your compliment warms my heart :relaxed: but we’ve tried all the possible meds for ten years. One pdoc even told me, that I’ve tried too many…
It’s just that my sz is severe. I’ve also isolated for long, which worsened all… my current doc says that my issues now are psychological, not so much medical… I’ve turned numb also, this doesnt help. I guess meds wont give me my happiness, I’ll have to get used to some truths and the reality lol… but yeah, my ex pdoc tried all the aps, many ads too…

Do you have brexpiprazole (Rexulti in the states) in your country? It’s one of the newer ones. I’ve tried over a dozen aps and almost gave up when they said I had to go down on the perphenazine. But this one is working really well for me. I’m also treatment resistant, so finding 2 meds that work is kind of mind blowing.

I think isolating for so long might affect your happiness, you’re more likely to feel lonely. But I don’t think it likely affected your sz.

I refused go on tv because I thought I was ugly. Mothers should teach their daughters they are beautiful. Mine didn’t so I felt ugly when I saw a picture of myself working. I lost my job because I had such low self esteem in front of a camera.

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