For the first time in a long time I'm becoming very happy, without meds

I was on olanzapine and sertraline for years. I would feel sluggish, tired, hungry, and I swear when I was awake all I’d do is eat and when I wasn’t busy I’d sleep. I gained 80 pounds in a year from all the eating. I still suffered my hallucinations and other illness’s, just not as much. They even did this thing to me where I would be talking and my mind would zone out and my tongue and mouth would shutter and stammer for a few seconds, this happened a few times a day. I decided to stop my meds cold turkey a month and a half ago (I know not a smart decision). Olanzapine is a strong drug and he was giving me 15 mg which is pretty high. The withdrawal lasted a month from both pills and I will be honest my life was utter hell and in shock for a month. I was starting to lose it and I didn’t want to go back on my meds, because the doctor who gave me them never listened to my symptoms or that they weren’t working instead he raised them. So I spent countless nights where I’d only get 2 hours of sleep and I’d probably barely eat one meal a day. I began to lose weight and slim down, I’m still chubby but I actually am slimming down substantially. I knew though that if I just did my old coping mechanisms of sitting in my room playing games I’d go crazy and that’s what I was doing for a few weeks. So as bad as I felt I started to try and visit my friends more often. This helped and I started to talk to my life coach more and more and give him a better insight. I felt without a purpose and I was beginning to not want to go back and be an RCW. So I decided to do the thing that made me happiest a long time ago and I started to volunteer at a senior home again. It brought back a lot of that lost happiness. Bad things still happened like my parents separating, but I tried not to focus on the bad anymore. So I began to feel a little better and had a job interview for a senior home near my house. That was nerve racking so I went to the interview and it went awesome. I then started to get out of the house almost every second day and do stuff like see friends, my life coach, or go to the autism foundation. I just know I can’t stay locked up anymore. Things were looking brighter and brighter everyday and I began to feel sadness rarely. Sure I’d still get it a few times a day, but hey since I was a child I would feel it constantly everyday so a few times a day is amazing for me. Then this week came and I only played my video games once this week since Monday, I got out of the house almost everyday. I then finished my speech for the autism foundation at the fancy fundraiser they are having and I’ll be the first client to speak. I also got the job to the senior home which made me feel amazing. I also faced my phobia of surgery and recovered fully with no infections or complications. Finally I have some peace about the only girl I fell in love with, I don’t think about her as much as I know now I let her go not because I was a coward or an idiot but because I wanted what was best for her at the time and I knew at that time I was not in the best mental state to be a father to a child or a partner to her. I realize one day I can possible get these things but it doesn’t have to be her. I will always miss her and care but she’s in the passed now and I got to move forward.

I see my doctor in June and if I continue down this great path I am telling him I’m stopping my meds. Since I stopped them I stopped having those tremors in speech which was awesome. When I got through withdrawal I began to feel like myself, even though I still have hallucinations and such they don’t worry or scare me I can push them away. Depression and anxiety are barely a thing anymore, sure I still feel them but once again I don’t let them control me.

I’m not saying to stop meds and meds are awful I’m just saying mine didn’t work and I got off them and went through the withdrawal now I feel like an almost new person. It’s my own opinion and I feel I can actually benefit med free for the first time in 11 years.

Everybody feels great when they come off meds for about a month. Then they crash.

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Perhaps you weren’t taking the right meds?
Perhaps the dosage was bad?
I warn you dannyboy, I was off meds for almost the entire duration of my illness and my functioning is now poor,
though there were times that it was fairly good.
I am going to try medications and probably should have tried earlier, but it was beyond my control.

Just remember that if it doesn’t work out you can always get back on med’s. You might try something different than olanzapine. Ziprazadone and Quetiapine have worked very well for me.

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