For my son and everyone else who is diagnosed or suffering


Since this post is more about my son and what he is currently going through, I’m posting in diagnosed.

His Invega shot started wearing off a week ago. I had them come in and give it to him a day early but it was still too late.

He is having a tough time and I’m having a tough time watching him go through this and there is so little that I can do to help him. I had no idea how bad it was until today when I listened to him open up with his case worker and tell her what he has been experiencing for the past couple of days. His voices/entities are getting closer and closer to him and some of them aren’t being very nice. He has been mentally killing entities, about 7 of them. He thinks they are mentally retarded and doesn’t know what to do with them. Neither do I… They are a jumble of nonsensical words with no feelings or soul and just keep coming.

He is in a lot of emotional pain, pain that I don’t know how to help him with. He wants to move, to leave, to go anywhere where he can feel comfortable. He is even willing to go to the hospital but there is no beds available.

He got some vodka a couple of days ago and honestly I understand, I think more now then ever, the urge or need to self-medicate symptoms. He isn’t looking to get drunk. He is looking for some relief, any relief, from voices that are making him feel like he is going crazy. The vodka isn’t helping and he is willing to throw it away if I can give him something else to help him.

This is the first time that he has reached out to his treatment team (PACT) and asked for help. I can take him to the hospital and sit in emergency all day, knowing that he doesn’t meet the criteria to be admitted or wait for his pdoc to see him tomorrow… Neither option is going to help him today, now. He wants help and we are failing him.

I gave him 200 mg of Trazodone, instead of the prescribed 100 mg, last night and got nicely told by his treatment team not to deviate from how it is prescribed… I reminded them that I was the one that asked for 100 instead of 200 that he was originally prescribed 200. If he needs 200 then that is what I will give him as he needed the down time from his own brain.

I have been through recovering from psychosis with my son before but this time is different. This time it is like he has no defenses. He is lost and struggling. He is not being defiant and he is counting on me to help him think. Maybe this is what needed to happen for him to start to learn to manage this… I hope so.

My heart is breaking for my son right now and by extension for anyone else who is suffering. If I could take away the pain and carry it for him or anyone else, I would. Sorry I’m having an emotional moment…


I hope someone here will offer you some kind of know-how aid and encouragement.


you have to detatch with love… hes depressed its ok for him to be depressed he has an illness but it the ideal is you put that in a box hes depressed and not make it bring you down easier said than done tho. tc


In my case I had to listen to the voices and reason out what they wanted. They have been getting quieter since I found myself. First I had to establish who I wanted to be and then after about a year of trying it became a reality. Calm in the moment not thinking about myself. Mental breakdowns suck. Sorry your son is going through this he probably is in a completely different scenario with his voices. Give it a few years and he’ll probably figure out whatever it is he needs to do. Best of luck to you and your son. Remind him to be patient. Sometimes it’s just about management instead of recovery. Although recovery should always be the end goal.


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I know it is hard to watch this happen to someone you love. Thank you for your compassion. Sz is supposed to get better in some people. Hold on to that hope that he’s one of the 30%.


For us, it was this point, when my son hit bottom and could barely speak, when he found he couldn’t function well enough to survive, when he started to ask for help, recognize who was helping him, and cooperate with medical staff that we really turned the corner. Yes, it’s heartbreaking when it all comes out, and yes, I am still heartbroken about my son’s suffering, but it IS better than before and it is still getting better. How much better it will get, whether there will be relapses or not or how many, we can’t know, but things are better. I think now you just have to let him lead his own recovery. He knows he wants something better now.

As for the "brain damage from APs, the sz itself is causing brain damage, so it’s a bit of a red herring, in my opinion, I hope that some day down the line my son’s sz will “burn out” and he will be able to taper down or come off the meds, but for now he is on them because he can manage his life better with them. He is independent and managing to shop, cook, clean, furnish his flat etc. I still give him some money but he claims benefits too and budgets for his daily needs well. He is older than your son, so in a way, he has missed more. He “lost” almost ten years to his prodromal phase, your son is younger so he may not have lost so much. We can’t know now. But what we know is that this is a big improvement on denial.

Stay calm and let him know you have faith in his ability to recover. And patience to help him.


Be well @BarbieBF - Sending you out positive thoughts


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I wouldn’t wish to be in your shoe I guess being psychotic is less intense than being a wounded mother who can’t help or do anything to stop the pain. I am very sorry to hear your news but certain as much that you both will overcome it and he will be able to manage his symptoms and have some sort of a defense line in future. Please don’t lose hope. I send you my prayers.


as hard as it is;

  1. your son can’t run away from the voices…
  2. he has to take a stand like he is in battle…face the voices, and demons… which he is.
  3. the fact that he can slay voices/demons shows a strong mind.
  4. he needs to continue on that path of slaying the demons, practice controling rooms in his head…now my demons run away from me…but it takes years of practice…and it is never ending.
    5 ) sz is a life long battle…
  5. he has to accept the illness…not avoid it with alcohol or drugs…it does not make it go away.
  6. he needs to see the funny side of the illness and life
  7. he is lucky to have you.
    take care :alien:


I was at the bottom when I got rid of my anger and resistance… and started seeing that I need very real help.

I’m rooting for you and I can only imagine how hard it is to have to just watch your son go through this. I don’t have to imagine how hard it is for him at this point. I am so sorry he is in this deep.

At least he’s home… and I know it took a lot of work… but you and your husband got him up to the point of going to classes at the Y last time… I have a feeling that your patience, your understanding and all that love will help rebuild him again.

Good luck and I know it’s dark now… but hopefully this will be the corner that turns.

Sending you… your son… and your husband… the best hopes I’ve got…


let him know that you care and you are trying your best, let him know that he is your son and you love him and would do anything for him and tell him you won’t rest until you can put an end to all of this suffering that he has, tell him you only want him to be happy, i hope this helps.


We ended up going to the ER and he got formed or sectioned… I had him released today. Didn’t see the point in him staying there if they weren’t going to do anything drastic with med changes and they didn’t. Unfortunately I find myself questioning how badly I have been manipulated yet again. He just wanted benzos. I know this because when he got informed he was being sectioned he asked why because the only reason he was there was for a benzo. Apparently the voices are all gone today. So one dose of Zyprexa/Olanzapine knocked out all the voices? Not likely. Today back to the old attitude that he can’t live here since I’m not giving him what he wants which is having my husband who has been up since 2 this morning working 2 jobs, drive him around for a new gaming system. I would really like to know how a $3000 gaming laptop just isn’t good enough? Sentimental moment has certainly passed :wink:


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