Fluctuating ability

Some days i feel like im turning a new page and am ready to take on more in life. Then a day soon comes by that hits me with the reality of my mental health issues. How am i ever going to hold down a job when randomly i will become unfit for it sooner or later.

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Yeah it’s tough. I survive on the largess of family and disability. I’ve worked before but as I got older it’s harder to maintain. I get paranoid and I find my work interactions are affected. I’m too old to retrain and that is stressful enough…so.

Can you qualify for disability? It’s hard for some to live on a small sum but if you have some family support you can live a good life. It’s different from most. It really is but you can be happy without the stress of work???

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I might eventually be able to go on disability. But most think im too capable to be on it. Even though ive had schizophrenia for over ten years and have always have a terrible time trying to hold down jobs. They say 28 is too young for disability in my case? Its really hard trying to live decently on regular centrelink payments.

For me after small period of improvement my brain resets itself. And I am back to anxious/depressed self.

Fear of people setting me up against others never really goes away for me. Working while always being on guard doesn’t help. It wears you down. Physically and mentally.

I am not sure how I would have survived if I didn’t have supportive parents.

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Fully relate to the whole period of improvement then resetting back to anxious times. It almost seems to be a never ending cycle.

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My ability to do highly intellectual things comes and goes. Last night I read a story and enjoyed it. I will practice guitar in 20 minutes. Gotta wait for the building to wake up.

I only have $250 to last until the end of the month but almost every bill is paid. I usually do better but grocery prices have sky rocketed. People get money from family in secret too.

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I hate the random nature of the disease too. It makes it difficult to do anything. Random good days and bad days.

Since I cut coffee down to once a week, it’s less random though.

Try quitting or cutting down coffee and see if that makes a difference.

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I am very sensitive to caffeine too. I thought I could get away with drinking caffeinated tea instead, I tried it this week, but it has been a real ramble. The only coffeine I seem to tolerate is from chocolate unless I eat very much of it. I guess it is less strong than the other forms.

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I don’t drink coffee. And my functioning is still unpredictable.

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