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Flashbacks keeping me awake tonight (Warning: Graphic)

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#1

It’s 11:30, and my bedtime was 2 and a half hours ago. As I laid there, trying to clear my head, the brain said “Nope, time to terrorize you.” I was inundated with a disturbing and gruesome memory. I began reliving this one moment when I was in the bedroom my dad killed himself in.

Dad blew his head totally off, leaving only a part of the lower jaw. His head was splattered all over the room…it looked like a Jackson Pollack painting, except with blood, brain matter, and bits of skull. My step-mother got there after I did, and she started screaming when she walked in the room. His body had been removed by the police by the time she got there.

As she’s surveying the room hysterically, she goes over to the dresser and picks up a bit of skull with hair and scalp on it. “This was Joe! This was Joe!!!,” she starts screaming. I told her to hand it to me, and I led her outside.

Laying in bed, I relived her handing me that small piece of my dad’s skull. I hate when my brain pulls this shiit.

How do you folks clear your mind of the traumatic?

#2

I don’t know if I could ever clear my mind of something that traumatic. I’m sorry your brain has chosen a time when your over tired to start torturing

When my brain want’s to revisit the house fire I was in when I was younger… I have to go outside for a moment… cooler air… less walls closing in on me.

I have to walk off that agitated … twitchy … flinchy feeling that comes with that sort of memory

It’s also a time I might break out some pens and draw… distract myself…

I’m sorry this is hitting you and I hope you feel better soon

#3

Holy ■■■■ im sorry this happend/ is happening to you. I walked into my friends house when i was 16 and said hi to his mom went to his room and he had overdosed but your situations way more graphic. I try to read or play a video game that i can lose myself in. I hope this memory stops popping up.

#4

This is very sad. I cannot express how sorry I am that that had happened to you and you have to relive it over and over. All I can say is try and focus on something artistic to get you through it and try not to think about it as much as possible. I would turn on your favorite movie, song/album, or draw to just get lost in the realm of creativity.

#5

Yeah, tonight/this morning sucks. I’ve yet to get a minute’s sleep, and it’s about 3:30 am. Sux.

#6

:sob: I have been up all night from hallucinations, but nothing like that, from the bottom of my heart, I really wish this wasn’t happening for you.

#7

Wow! What you must have went through is terrible. You have my deepest sympathy. Maybe if you could distract yourself when you have these flashbacks. Maybe you could listen to classical music, or watch ballet, if that is possible. You might not like things like that, but maybe you could listen to folk music, or even rock and roll, if that is helpful. Maybe watch a sporting contest, if one is on, like football, basketball, or soccer. Try to identify what things trigger these flashbacks, and see if you can defuse them. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

#8

i don’t know why we relieve trauma over and over. Maybe its some way we process the grief or something like that. I wish I had the right words to comfort you. It is a very traumatic thing, do you have a therapist?
i am sorry you went through that.

#9

@alien99, you have told me this story many times, so I know you relive it over and over. I don’t know what to say other than I am here for you buddy. Anytime you can’t get to sleep you can call me. I am a hard sleeper so you may have to call me more than once, but I promise I wont get mad. I will always be here for you.

#10

Wow @alien99 You are very strong and brave.

Flashbacks of psychotic moments of scary stuff unmentioned here were a problem. I tried better sleep meds, ambien, trazadone seemed to help.
It can be hard with stuff that ‘swirls around’ and won’t let go? whats you doc day?

Ultimately I finally convinced myself that demons can’t kill me. But then neither can dead people. Bad people can haunt you, especially if they are alive.

But if they are dead maybe just focus/ concentrate on the good times and happy pictures memories. I know minds need like training sorts. I would just say wrong track yell out (don’t recommend that). And put the good happy picture in my mind. I know it’s hard as ■■■■ and takes a long time but I won with meds of course.

And if there are no happy memories of certain people, I substitute cuddly kittens and dogs if they come to haunt me.

#11

I’m sorry you have to relive this from time to time. It’s certainly horrible, and it’s not fair you had to witness that.

A big hug to you and hope you had some rest.

#12

I hope you were able to get some sleep. My therapist taught me to do grounding when the flashbacks hit. Ask yourself questions like what does this blanket feel like? how soft is this mattress? how many tiles are on the ceiling? Basically describe the room you’re in using all of your senses. Flashbacks are hard because they’re so real and terrifying. Working with a therapist helped me come to peace with my past and I no longer get flashbacks. I hope you can find some peace. :sunny:

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