I get these type of flashbacks from different dimensions/past lives. I have actual memories of dying before and also from being reincarnated. Usually I’ve been murdered. I walked in to the supermarket the other day and saw a man there, and immediately had flashbacks from a time when he killed me. I remember in detail where it happened, who was around and everything.
I don’t know what to do. I have attempted suicide once and every single day I wish I would have succeeded to kill myself. I feel like I have no one to talk to about these problems and the meds aren’t helping much. I also feel no enjoyment or sadness or anything, I feel very numb all the time. My mom passed away a few months ago and I could barely cry at her funeral. I hate feeling like I have no emotions anymore. Things that used to make me happy or sad, don’t anymore. I feel nothing. I am also afraid I will get killed soon since my thoughts are being broadcasted somehow. So I feel it would be better if I just kill myself before they do. I also think I have some kind of super powers but I’m blocked from using them for some reason. It’s really exhausting to have these flashbacks from being brutally murdered pretty much everyday, wherever I go.
Sounds like your brain is malfunctioning on you and you’re trying to find meaning in places there isn’t (your understanding is off). The likely hood of you running into someone that killed you from your previous life at a supermarket is like 1 out of 10000000000000.
Try a different med, maybe you can find one that works better for you. Maybe also try to explore common sense, it’s helped me out a lot.
First off, let me reassure you that your thoughts are not being broadcasted. I went through the same experience during my last psychotic break, so I know how god awful it feels - like everyone is severely judging you and have plans to kill you (but they can’t for some reason).
I would like to give you a few words of encouragement. The feeling of emptiness will eventually go away. Once your psychosis ends, you’ll have to make an asserted effort to be social with people, which helps with the associated feelings of emptiness, loneliness, like no one understands, and full blown apathy. Also, once you find the right medication, overcoming the negative symptoms of sz can be done through cognitive techniques such as mindfulness, thought records, and opposite action.
I am very sorry to hear about your mother’s passing. Just don’t give up on yourself! The first few episodes of sz were my worst. Life gets much better once you can manage symptoms properly.
I’ve had memories of being killed in a past life too, and I have birthmarks in the approx place I felt I was struck, around my neck (some past life literature proposes birthmarks are physical wounds from past lives). Now I’m not saying the memories of past lives are real, but a lot of people have them nonetheless.
About the numbness, I struggled with intense numbness and anhedonia. It’s gotten better in the last few years, and what I think it is caused by is repressed negative emotions.
In the process of getting better in terms of anhedonia and regaining some of that joy, be prepared to go through some fear, I think that’s part of the process of healing from the numbness and trauma.
I really dislike the whole psychiatric approach to fear - Medicate and rationalize it away. Fear is part of life and is a learning and growing process, not something which needs to be fixed with drugs or whatnot, accepting it and seeing what you’re scared of is the way through. Fixing fear with drugs is often done out of the same fear anyway. (Not against meds, just disliking their approach)