Nah nowhere to go really it’s midnight. And my cars broken anyways. 
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■■■■ these stupid pills
Hey @mermaid1, I’m not doing so great, thank you for your concern. I’m becoming very depressed over my work/financial situation. The $550 I’m supposed to get on the 29th will help a lot, assuming dude pays up that day. If he doesn’t pay up it’s going to mean him facing a felony charge instead of a lesser misdemeanor charge. I hate my job, but then I know I’m not going to like the gas station job much more. At least it won’t be so hard on my back. I really don’t want to go to work today. Sigh.
Sorry to hear they changed the schedule so suddenly, that was crappy of them, but hey you got to try something new, even though you got a sore ass from it.
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Kaistabaumaa…
I’m so ■■■■■■■ depressed that I just called off from work. This is bad. I can’t even think clearly right now. 
I desperately need money, yet I’m giving up wages, makes no sense, but I couldn’t see myself making it through 8 hours today. I’m all ■■■■■■ up right now (with depression/anxiety, not a substance).
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I just blew my smokeless streak of 3 days by lighting up a Black & Mild. Oh well. I needed something.
I’m hungry, but all I have is bread and it makes me nauseus.
I’m probably just nervous about my doctor’s visit, we’re going to talk about my risk of diabetes. Fun…
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I don’t know what happened. I’ve been going downhill for days now, and I guess the bottom dropped out. I’m not suicidal, though, so at least I’m not bad off in that way.
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Do you think it could have to do with nicotine withdrawal?
I do.
You’re gonna be alright, man.
You’ve got another job lined up and possibly another $550 on the way.
Take today and try to get your head straight.
Perhaps, though I have been getting a good amount of nicotine with the gum. I don’t know.
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Just the change in your routine could have tipped you right over the edge.
If my routine gets messed up in even the slightest I get edgy and start doing weird stuff.
Cigarettes are more than nicotine, I think.
They’re like an enjoyable break from reality and I don’t feel like the gum measures up.
Not trying to discourage you from quitting, because you should,
Just trying to make sense of the situation.
I’m sending you good vibes from California (the best place to get them, in my opinion)…
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Nicotine withdrawal can make us act weird. Like I heard it can cause symptoms.
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I’m scared of having a bad day
I’m remembering terrible moments in my past so I’m scared it is going to happen again. Does anybody else go through that too?
Yeah I remember how I was treated at school and now I’m worried I’ll always be treated that way.
The doc wants to test me for diabetes on tuesday, and he’ll call me on wednesday with the results. He’ll most likely say I have it.
Wednesday is also the day I HAVE to have made a desicion about my education, and I have an appointment with my pdoc.
Wednesday is gonna be a rough day. 
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I’m proud of myself for functioning as well as I have over the years. I have had to give up and let go of some things, but I manage to work at a low-level job and I own a car and I’m married (to an extraordinarily patient and kind man), and I raised my son (with help). And I never thought I’d even live this long.
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Yeah, and my routine is about to have a complete overhaul, with starting a new job, on midnight shift yet. That’s going to take a major adjustment.
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