🎆1️⃣0️⃣🌈 Say Anything the 10th! 🌈1️⃣0️⃣🎆

I hear you @anon1571434.

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I cheated on my diet and got some McDonald’s. It tasted sooo good, but I feel so guilty :cry:

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Today is my enrollment day for my course. Mr Turtle is coming with me because I’m nervous about how to get there and getting lost.

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I’m nervous I won’t be able to cope with study and work. I haven’t been coping recently and I’ve had a huge increase in symptoms.

Pdoc wants to put me back on seroquel, which is ridiculous. I can’t function on that stuff and I still have a week and a half left of work. He was really dismissive of me yesterday when we spoke.

Things have been really weird and scary. Barely keeping it together.

I’m sorry things are so rough for you right now @anon84763962, but I’m glad that at least you have Mr. Turtle to lean on a bit.

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I had to ask my husband to come home early. I feel like I’m really losing it and I can’t safely take care of my daughter right now. Luckily she’s still napping. I’m scared.

I hope you’re ok, I know it sucks having to ask husband to come home early.

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My Mum actually had a really good idea, she said I should ask if I can get access to work from home on my bad days because I can go months and months of good health then have a crash and I would still be able to do a few hours work at home.

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Is paranoia just the word if.

Or what if, when it comes to relation to yourself.

And that if is like a sad little question trying to gesture yourself 24/7.

Like oh it was or it all was just the word if and like sitting back just festers around. Like it’s just trying to question you I guess. Or you are questioning yourself

Remember we;re here with you while you wait for Mr LED too.

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Thank you. It’s like I want to say a million things and nothing all at the same time. I don’t know what I need. I don’t know how to word things without sounding like a drama queen. It’s not that bad. Just an increase in hallucinations. Nothing I haven’t dealt with many times before. But they’re scary even though I should know better.

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I think the whole “I should know better” sentiment pretty well sums up why I have such a hard time asking for help.

I’ve been going through an increase in hallucintions too in the past week and needed Mr Turtle home early yesterday. I don’t know what caused it. I think a few things contributed to it but whatever caused it I don’t care the end result was scary, confronting and tiring.

I really feel for you, I don’t have a baby to look after at the same time as experiencing this.

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Do you mean you should know better that they are hallucinations and can’t hurt you?

Yeah. I mean, I’ve worked really fucking) hard over the years and have pretty good insight. I can usually tell what’s real and what’s not. What’s likely to actually be happening vs what might be delusional thinking. If I can tell that, I should know better than to be so affected by it. How can a simple visual hallucination bring me to my knees in fear when I know, but don’t necessarily believe, that’s all it is. Does that make sense?

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Yes it makes perfect sense. It’s like your insight goes out the window when the hallucinations and delusions start up again.

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Yeah. But not totally. Like, I still have it, it’s just shoved to the side to make room for my fear and anxiety. It’s still there making me feel dumb for being scared in the first place. Making me feel like I’m making a big deal for nothing because I know better. Making me feel like I’m being dramatic for wanting help because I should be able to deal with it on my own.

But the thing is, it’s not nothing to you. To you it’s a big deal, and it’s okay to admit you can’t deal with it on your own.
You’re not asking for help for funsies, you’re doing so because you really need it, and that’s okay.

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I have a really hard time with this.

I guess all I can say is that if you were able to deal with it on your own, you would. I think that’s how most of us here are, we’ll rather suffer alone than drag other people into it. Not being able to deal with it alone doesn’t make you weak or any less of a person, it simply means you’re overwhelmed. You’re lucky to have someone in your life to share it with, who wants to help you.

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